Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: email etiquette

[Malcolm Eva (malcolm]

I like that. I'll try to introduce that here at Springhill.

Sent from my iPad
If reply needed, please address to malcolm [at] m-eva.co.uk

> On 24 Feb 2014, at 17:30, Don Benson <benson6451 [at] aol.com> wrote:
> 
> 
> I have found that individuals and groups discover an interesting value in 
> developing their relationships, when they are made aware of the potential 
> difference between and value of describing their perceptions of both  
> 1.  what I want; and
> 2.  what we need.
> Some have taken this practice so far as to presenting both in discussion of 
> any issue, not just those that are high energy and conflictual.  
> 
> Don Benson
> 503.296.7249 office
> 510.701.9784 mobile
> 
> Ubuntu - I am because we are.
> 
>> On Feb 24, 2014, at 8:33 AM, Diana Carroll <dianaecarroll [at] gmail.com> 
>> wrote:
>> 
>> 
>> That's interesting.  That seems to mean that one's strong personal views,
>> opinions and feelings should not be discussed on email unless the goal is
>> for group, rather than personal, benefit.
>> 
>> My question then is: in what forum *should* one's strong views, opinions
>> and feelings be discussed?  Is that limited to meetings?  Or are such
>> expressions considered inappropriate entirely in the group setting, and
>> should just be discussed with one's personal support network instead?
>> 
>> I would have a hard time with that, personally.  I certainly think it is
>> reasonable that I be required to discuss such things respectfully and
>> civilly, but I'd chafe with the idea that my personal opinions should only
>> be discussed if the discussion was for group benefit.  I would want to
>> reserve the right to say "You know what?  I know you all want to paint the
>> common house green, but I have to say I just hate the color green.  I won't
>> block it is that's what everyone wants but...ew."
>> 
>> (Hypothetical example chosen.  Our CH is in fact green and I have no
>> problem with the color!)
>> 
>> D
>> 
>> 
>>> On Mon, Feb 24, 2014 at 5:11 AM, Malcolm Eva <malcolm [at] m-eva.co.uk> 
>>> wrote:
>>> 
>>> 
>>> I think it implies that posts, especially if expressing strong
>>> views/opinions, should be addressing the common good rather than an
>>> individual's private concern.  Sounds good and noble, but actually would be
>>> harder to follow; when we fiercely disagree with somebody's perspective we
>>> think we are concerned with the common good, and miss that in fact we just
>>> don't personally want to go through change.   I think the phrase is an
>>> exhortation to step back and check our own motives before hitting 'send'.
>>> 
>>> Sorry not to be more positive about the interpretation, but having missed
>>> the meeting I've relied on people's report backs and these notes from the
>>> meeting.   That phrase appeared in the notes, but no one relayed that part
>>> of the discussion to me.
>>> 
>>> Malcolm
>>>> On 23 Feb 2014, at 14:18, Sharon Villines wrote:
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>>> On Feb 21, 2014, at 11:25 AM, Malcolm Eva <malcolm [at] m-eva.co.uk> 
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>> 
>>>>> Here is a brief extract from the notes afterwards.
>>>> 
>>>> Thank you for sharing this. I think it is a very helpful list of values
>>> and aims. One question:
>>>> 
>>>>> Altruistic not individualistic
>>>> 
>>>> What does this mean?
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