Cohousing-L Mailing List: Prioritizing conflict in cohousing

[Mary Baker, Solid Communications (mary]

Hi all, I am finishing up a project I’ve been working on for some time called 
the DIY Conflict Resolution Workbook, and would really appreciate your input on 
the final chapter, which is about conflict in cohousing and ways to achieve 
resolution and create positive ground maps for the future. 
I’ll be discussing the following 12 things that people have submitted as 
creating conflict in cohousing, and what I’d like to hear from you is which of 
these factors you think occur most often, create the most divisiveness, or are 
the most difficult to deal with. In other words, help me prioritize!

1.      Conflict avoidance 

2.      Intolerance and lack of empathy for anger and acting out

3.      Absence of normal consequences—creating a vacuum that allows enabled 
behavior

4.      Clashes in leadership styles

5.      Compelled behaviors and expectations 

6.      Lack of sensitive conflict management (ignoring emotional pain) 

7.      Gossip and internal cliques

8.      Non-transparent channels of communication—often caused by fear of 
technology and digital communication 

9.      Old Guard elitism

10.   Over-reacting to minor skirmishes 

11.   Lack of clarity in expectations (includes emotional expectations)

12.   Lack of transparency about group history

Examples or illustrations from your own experience are always appreciated too, 
but are not necessary.
Many thanks!
Mary