Re: Unseen Bullying Epidemic in Senior Communities - with hot link
From: Nancy Baughman Csuti (
Date: Wed, 16 May 2018 12:34:03 -0700 (PDT)
I'm interested in your comment Alan - "When vetting community members...."
I was under the impression that anyone who wanted to move into a for-sale
cohousing unit could otherwise it violates fair housing laws. Do people
actually have to agree to the principles and spirit of cohousing to buy a

Nancy in CO.

On Wed, May 16, 2018 at 9:10 AM, Alan O via Cohousing-L <
cohousing-l [at]> wrote:

> Dick - I temper your comment that bullies tend to stay away from cohousing.
> I don't know about you, but there are untold stories of cohousing power
> and control conflicts between / among neighbors. The cohousing conferences
> are rife with workshops, retreats and classes on conflict resolution and
> non-violent communication.
> Keep in mind that bullying isn't just punching and pushing, it's also
> emotional abuse.
> I also would say, that when vetting community members, be aware that as
> time passes, people have learned how to mask their undesirable personality
> traits. I previously worked in domestic violence prevention and can spot a
> bully a mile away.
> ThxAlan O.
>  *****************************************************
> Alan O'Hashi
> Have Camera - Will Travel
>   303-910-5782
>             307-247-1910
> ******************************************************
>       From: Dick Margulis <dick [at]>
>  To: cohousing-l [at]; Ann Zabaldo <zabaldo [at] 
>>; Alan
> O'Hashi <adoecos [at]>
>  Sent: Wednesday, May 16, 2018 8:53 AM
>  Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Unseen Bullying Epidemic in Senior Communities - with
> hot link
> On 5/16/2018 9:39 AM, Ann Zabaldo wrote:
> > What is maybe a surprise is our expectation that people will become
> sweeter and gentler as they age.
> And with this, a story.
> Many years ago, I lived in a small town where one of the highlights of
> the year was the firemen's field days, a three-day orgy of beer, greasy
> food, and polka.
> One year, when my kids were small, my parents visited that weekend. We
> went to the parade, of course. And afterward, we went into the exhibitor
> tent, where one of the local churches had an ice cream booth. My dad,
> who until he was deep into his dementia could add a column of numbers in
> his head faster than an accountant could with an adding machine, offered
> to treat. The nice church lady had to write down the price of everything
> the six of us ordered and laboriously calculate the sum by hand and
> aloud, thirty-write-down-zero-carry-the-three style. As we walked away,
> my dad shook his head. "It's amazing someone can live to that age and
> never learn to add," he said. "No," I countered. "People don't get
> smarter as they age. What's amazing is that people that slow survive to
> old age at all."
> Okay, that was mean, and in retrospect I'm sorry I said it. I'm nicer
> now. But it's just another aspect of Ann's point: people don't change
> much as they age, except physically.
> The saving grace of cohousing in this regard is that bullies don't tend
> to be attracted to cohousing in the first place, so dealing with them as
> they age may be less of a problem than in the sorts of institutions
> featured in the article.
> Dick Margulis
> Rocky Corner
> Bethany CT
> Construction is underway:
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