|Re: Are Rules Helpful?||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: David Heimann (heimanntheworld.com)|
|Date: Sat, 22 Dec 2018 13:31:07 -0800 (PST)|
Hello All,As far as I'm concerned, if I haven't heard of a rule and cannot find it written down in the record, it doesn't exist. It doesn't matter how much people say it's informal or unwritten, I do not feel obligated to remember or accept any such rules. This is especially true in cohousing, where we adopt rules by consensus -- informal or unwritten "rules" (quotation marks intentional) by their nature have not been consensed on.
Similarly, we have had discussions here where someone asserts a rule and says we adopted it at a general meeting, but no minutes nor decision log have mentioned such an adoption. Often this comes up in a situation where I know I would have objected to the rule if it had come up in a general meeting. Again, if the rule isn't in the record it doesn't exist.
In general the way I see it, if an "informal" or "unwritten" rule is objected to by anyone at any time, it has failed consensus and is not valid. The only way to then give it validity is then to actually consense on it at a meeting.
The above is the only way I know to make sure that everyone in the community has the chance to chime in on a rule, even if they are not in the "in crowd".
Regards, David Heimann Jamaica Plain Cohousing, MA Date: Fri, 21 Dec 2018 22:38:02 -0500 From: Sharon Villines <sharon [at] sharonvillines.com> To: Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Are Rules Helpful? WAS Environmental sensitivities in community? Message-ID: <1E8B5D87-FCC4-4A1F-838F-EC619E156538 [at] sharonvillines.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8
On Dec 21, 2018, at 2:04 PM, Muriel Kranowski <murielk [at] vt.edu> wrote:
I'm much more on Liz's side of this than on Sharon's, though I recognizethe validity of Sharon's objections to making rules that don't involve safety. I want to know what is officially NOT okay in my community, as determined by consensus, because I want to live in harmony with my neighbors, and I want new people to have an easy one-stop place to find our policies and expectations so they can live in harmony with us.
I don?t want to be put in the category of not liking rules. I have a long history of writing policies in all kinds of situations and am pretty picky about wording. It?s that I don?t think it is helpful or a good use of time to try to write rules or agreements about everything one can think of that may cause conflict. We often hear from people who are forming a community and want to know what rules they need to have in place by the time they move in. Obviously pets because some people will be expecting to bring pets. People want to know about parking. But until you live together and begin seeing how your expectations differ or are the same, making rules is an exercise based on no experience. It?s totally hypothetical. I think it is more important to understand the issues ? what affects people how ? than to figure out how to write a rule. Once a person said that people in her community would walk close to some windows and it made the residents uncomfortable. The walkers didn?t realize that. A simple discussion was all that was needed, not a rule about how far people needed to stay away from windows, times for permitted walking. No borders or bushes. When we finally wrote a pet policy we grandfathered in a few out door cats. But one cat was often in the outdoor corridor and walking on outside seating and a dining table. A long haired cat who left wisps of hair. The owner had no idea that the cat was doing this or that anyone was upset ? and it had been going on for years as people considered what the rules should or could be to stop it. After a discussion in which the problem was raised, however, the owner found a way to keep her cat off the corridor or at least off the furniture or would wipe down the furniture after an outing. No rules. No checklists to be sure she did it. Many understandings involve people who live next to each other or use the same outdoor faucets. They make agreements and carry on. They don?t have to be written down. New people don?t have to be expected to know them unless they are moving into one of the units. I tell new people not to worry about it. No way they can learn 20 years of experience by memorizing a list of rules. Read what is there when you can but no one is going to chop your head off if you don?t know something ? unless you pull the fire alarm or start a fire in the workshop. Other things we have rules about because they have caused conflict and inconvenience ? reservations in guest rooms, cleaning the CH after private parties, noise, late fees, etc. But we have amazingly few when you consider that it is 43 households with people of all ages interacting with commonly owned yards, air, and equipment. In most areas, we can just work it out. It amazes me but we do. In cohousing, I?ve learned the value of informal agreements based on what is needed by individual members. This is new for me. Sharon ---- Sharon Villines Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC http://www.takomavillage.org
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