|Re: Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 197, Issue 14||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Barbara Simkowski (barbara_simkowskimac.com)|
|Date: Sat, 13 Jun 2020 13:20:01 -0700 (PDT)|
May I use this list for simple advice? We are Villlage Hearth Cohousing in Durham, NC. In a few days our laundry room will open for business. Need to find an allergy-friendly, eco-friendly, perfume-free laundry product that I can stock in our laundry room. Advice? Barbara Sent from my iPhone > On Jun 13, 2020, at 6:16 AM, cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org wrote: > > Send Cohousing-L mailing list submissions to > cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org > > To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit > https://lists.cohousing.org/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l > or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to > cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org > > You can reach the person managing the list at > cohousing-l-owner [at] cohousing.org > > When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific > than "Re: Contents of Cohousing-L digest..." > > > Today's Topics: > > 1. Re: bullying behavior (Elizabeth Magill) > 2. Re: Coho Presentation request (Jerry Koch-Gonzalez) > 3. cohousers for racial justice tomorrow 930am pdt (Alan O'Hashi) > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Message: 1 > Date: Fri, 12 Jun 2020 13:39:26 -0400 > From: Elizabeth Magill <pastorlizm [at] gmail.com> > To: Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> > Subject: Re: [C-L]_ bullying behavior > Message-ID: > <CAEiam=Jh8qdj9eocaO=fpz-wu6sPuGuXoBUyyV9vSYwFzPVreA [at] mail.gmail.com> > Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" > > I see that we have good advice to parents, but in my experience the > parents who many are frustrated with don't actually want any advice on > parenting. > > If the child who is perceived as a bully had parents coming to the > community saying "please help me" then there would not be a conflict > to discuss. > > Parents in cohousing want to solve problems by having other parents > parent differently. In ordinary neighborhoods I think that is less > common. We accept that other parents do things "wrong" (by our > standards) and we help our kids figure out how to deal with the > kids--or we don't help them--whatever our parenting style is. > > So in many cases the conflict here in cohousing comes down to a parent > wanting something different from another parent. > > Which brings us down to basic conflict resolution-- > 1) you have to talk to the person to hear what is going on and to ask > them to change their behavior. They may or may not, but the definitely > won't if you don't ask. (And we can help you have the conversation.) > 2) the only thing you can actually change is yourself > > Liz > Mosaic Commons Cohousing > >> On Fri, Jun 12, 2020 at 12:29 PM Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L >> <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote: >> >>> On Fri, Jun 12, 2020 at 8:40 AM CJ Q <homeschoolvideo [at] gmail.com> wrote: >>> >>> I appreciate your help since some of our children are hurting and all the >>> parents are having a hard time getting along right now (and are hurt too) >> >> Stories: >> >> 1. Two grandchildren I was caring for part of each day were in frequent >> conflict. One was (always) the aggressor and the other (always) crying. My >> automatic response was to comfort the crier and scold the aggressor. One day >> it (finally) occurred to me if people act the way they feel, that the >> aggressor was feeling aggressed upon whether I saw it or not. I started >> responding to her as if she was crying instead of misbehaving. It not only >> worked but she confirmed the whole dynamic. She understood it but wasn?t >> able to change MY behavior. >> >> 2. Another child I had spent considerable amounts of time with was having >> difficulty in school. He was very bright and at my house frequently worked >> in workbooks, had drawing projects, and listened to and played music. He >> played well with others. He was focused and happy. When he was of school >> age, he was enrolled in a bilingual Montessori school and placed in a >> classroom with children above his age because he was so smart and knew so >> much. The school was very permissive and the children encouraged to be free >> spirits. >> >> Things didn?t go well at all ? he disrupted in the classroom by interfering >> with the work of others and didn?t focus on his own projects. This went on >> for several years as his parents supported the bi-lingual, bi-cultural >> environment. He was finally diagnosed as ADHD and enrolled in a more >> structured private school that had experience with such problems. The >> diagnosis never made sense to me. He was not ADHD. >> >> After he had been in the new school for a few months and was happy there, I >> asked him why the new school was better. He said, Because I don?t have to >> decide every morning what I want to do. We have a schedule and we all know >> what?s next. He was now part of a group that did things together. The day >> was predictable and inclusive. He was even better a few years later then >> they entered him in a new school at a lower grade. As one of the older >> students instead of by far the youngest, he suddenly became a social star. >> >> ???? >> >> Thus, I think there might be ways to shape the behavior of the bullying and >> abusive kids without telling them how to behave. That just irritates the >> parents who think kids will be better people if they learn all life?s >> lessons the hard way and anti-social behavior means they are expressing >> their own true nature and developing independence and strength. >> >> Explaining behavior, reactions, feelings, etc., to them might work better. >> Schedule some supervised and structured group activities where they learn >> how to enjoy being part of a group. Focus on the feelings of the aggressors >> and at least as much as those of the criers. >> >> Sharon >> ---- >> Sharon Villines, Historic Takoma Park, Washington DC >> Where all roads lead to Casablanca >> >> _________________________________________________________________ >> Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: >> http://L.cohousing.org/info >> >> >> > > > -- > -Liz > (The Rev. Dr.) Elizabeth Mae Magill > Pastor, Ashburnham Community Church > Minister to the Affiliates, Ecclesia Ministries > www.elizabethmaemagill.com > 508-450-0431 > > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 2 > Date: Fri, 12 Jun 2020 18:55:49 -0400 > From: Jerry Koch-Gonzalez <jerry [at] sociocracyforall.org> > To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org > Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Coho Presentation request > Message-ID: > <CAPpwHXNByRDNANRKeXZ0tCq6YxtBaU1Sz1PLOqOy0x9X8z77sQ [at] mail.gmail.com> > Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" > > One of us from Sociocracy For All can give a presentation on Sociocracy to > your group. Ted Rau and I, co-founders of Sociocracy For All, live at the > 26-year old Pioneer Valley Cohousing Community in Massachusetts which has > been operating sociocratic ly for years. We have also helped many cohousing > communities adopt sociocracy. > There?s lots or articles and videos freely accessible at the > sociocracyforall.org website and you can schedule a conversation with at > https://talktojerry.youcanbook.me to talk about a presentation. > Jerry Koch-Gonzalez > Pioneer Valley Cohousing, Amherst, MA > > On Fri, Jun 12, 2020 at 8:26 AM Victoria Urban Village < > victoriaurbanvillage [at] gmail.com> wrote: > >> We are a newly developing cohousing project in Victoria, BC. We have 5 >> associate members and hold 3 monthly meetings: coho 101, associate member >> meeting, and topic presentation - all through zoom. We are looking for >> people to offer one hour presentations on consensus decision making and >> sociocracy, along with other topics such as your own experience in >> developing a coho community, large vs. small community membership, >> important steps to develop, etc. We have every intention to contract a >> consultant at the right point in time. It would be good to know when that >> point is, etc. If you have thoughts of other topics, either that you may >> want to present, or want to suggest, please let me know. We?re all ears at >> this point! Thank you in advance. Devorah Kahn, Victoria Urban Village >> >> When life gives you more than you need, build a bigger table not a higher >> fence. >> >> >> >> >> _________________________________________________________________ >> Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: >> http://L.cohousing.org/info >> >> >> >> -- > ? > Jerry Koch-Gonzalez 413-687-5444 > Co-Founder > , Sociocracy For All <http://sociocracyforall.org/> and New England NVC > <http://newenglandnvc.org/> > Founding Resident, Pioneer Valley Cohousing Community > <http://cohousing.com/> > > To talk to me about sociocracy or NVC, go here: > https://talktojerry.youcanbook.me > > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 3 > Date: Fri, 12 Jun 2020 19:43:58 -0600 > From: Alan O'Hashi <adoecos [at] yahoo.com> > To: CoHoList <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> > Subject: [C-L]_ cohousers for racial justice tomorrow 930am pdt > Message-ID: <51216A21-BF3E-48DD-AB24-72102144DA86 [at] yahoo.com> > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii > > The Cohousers for Racial Justice group that formed last week is convening > again tomorrow - Saturday - 930am PDT sign on to this Zoom room > > https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZMvcuytqDssGdbhx2Y0pn2SkT1Mp5_YAb28 > > Alan O'Hashi - Cyber Office > Get Up Off the Couch > www.alanohashi.com > www.getupoffthecouch.com > Colorado..303-910-5782 > Wyoming. 307-316-2113 > Nebraska..402-327-1652 > > ------------------------------ > > Subject: Digest Footer > > _________________________________________________________________ > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: > http://L.cohousing.org/info > > > ------------------------------ > > End of Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 197, Issue 14 > ********************************************
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