Consensus and conflict
From: Fred-List manager (
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 2021 07:25:49 -0800 (PST)
Melanie G <gomelaniego [at]>
is the author of the message below.  It was posted by
Fred, the Cohousing-L list manager <fholson [at]>
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--------------------  FORWARDED MESSAGE FOLLOWS --------------------
"Consensus takes work and attention and energy. It is all about enhancing
our relationships with each other which is why it appeals to cohousers. And
it isnt all good vibes as consensus welcomes conflict which is not easy for
us in this culture. By bringing out the conflict, creative solutions can
come forth."

YES YES YES!  Thank you for saying third so clearly.  My experience with
nearly all groups I have ever been involved with is that there simply is no
system in place to deal with the inevitable conflict to begin with.  Having
a system  of responding to conflict could be the key here.  And I wonder
whether and which communities here have both, consensus AND an established
way/system to deal with conflict, to normalize it instead of personalizing
it as most of us have been conditioned to do.

I am convinced what the world needs now is a normalization and even a
WELCOMING of "conflict".  Dominic Barter says "conflict is new information
entering a system, that has not been integrated."  I don't see sociocracy
as having such a mechanism in place.  And I have taken the course.  Maybe I
missed something?

I am convinced that what we humans need on a widespread scale are courses
on how to sit with the discomfort of tensions in healthy ways.  Because
everywhere I look I see people stuck in personalizing conflict rather than
looking at the new information that is coming in.

Would love to hear other's takes on this.

Melanie still seeking (and cant afford the course on finding community

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