|Consensus and conflict||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Melanie G (gomelaniegogmail.com)|
|Date: Thu, 7 Jan 2021 18:07:41 -0800 (PST)|
"I actually miss the heat in our early membership meetings with people yelling, pounding on tables, walking out. Once we were confronted with Person A protesting that Person B had thrown a chair at her. Person B admitted to throwing a chair but he said he didn?t throw it at her. He just threw it across the room. Sometimes I wish that there were exercises that desensitized people to yelling and arguing and having to stand up for themselves when they thought they were being criticized. They seem to be directed to keeping everyone "nice.? it?s all well and good to feel compassionate when compassion is helpful. But it doesn?t usually mean much when people are arguing points of view." YES Sharon! I was reading Scott's comments about NVC, and was not sure how to say that people have nervous systems, and one form of nervous system response (please and appease, or NVC, or some such) is not necessarily any better or worse than another nervous system response (yelling and throwing things). These are strategies that we learned as our nervous systems were forming. They are only under our control in situations where we are still capable of responding. Most often, when something is really triggering us, we resort to those strategies. They are not premeditated. No one walks into a room thinking, "I will throw a chair if this person does...." Also, NVC definitely has a shadow side. And it can definitely be received as emotional abuse. It's a tool, and doesn't necessarily work the same way for everyone who uses it. Don't get me wrong, I do think there are principles of NVC that are key for more effective human interaction. But it's not the solution in many cases. I have been in NVC circles for nearly 10 years now. So I speak from experience. https://www.realsocialskills.org/blog/nonviolent-communication-can-be-emotionally As I understand it, this idea that calm, cool and collected is the only acceptable way to deal with tension is part of a cultural ideal and we often end up comparing everything to a certain set of cultural norms... melanie, seeker -- *If a factory is torn down but the rationality which produced it is left standing, then that rationality will simply produce another factory. If a revolution destroys a government, but the systematic patterns of thought that produced that government are left intact, then those patterns will repeat themselves.* Robert Pirsig.
- Re: Consensus and conflict, (continued)
- Re: Consensus and conflict Sharon Villines, January 6 2021
- Consensus and conflict Melanie G, January 7 2021
- Re: Consensus and conflict Sharon Villines, January 8 2021
Consensus and conflict Melanie G, January 9 2021
- Re: Consensus and conflict Chris Hansen, January 10 2021
- Consensus and conflict Melanie G, January 11 2021
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