Re: Re Email abuse
From: Elizabeth Magill (
Date: Fri, 15 Jan 2021 08:35:07 -0800 (PST)
The only way I know to affect other people's behavior is to tell them
directly why it was bothersome and ask them to stop it.

That doesn't guarantee that it will stop, but I guarantee it won't
stop if you *don't* do that.

I'd love it if each time someone saw an email that annoyed them they
would (off the list!!!--just to the person) send a note to that person
telling them what was annoying about it and why, and what you wish
they'd do instead.

If people who sent emails that bother many people got 8 responses
explaining why it was bothersome that would help. I was in community
for more than 10 years before someone told me that the way I use all
caps to emphasize things sounds like yelling (and matched how loudly I
talk when I'm passionate, which people also hear as yelling.)
One person showed how to use *astericks* for emphasis instead.

It is possible the end result will just be that you discover that one
or two people can't/won't adjust their behavior, but at least everyone
will feel better for having spoken up for themselves. Eventually you
will just roll your eyes when they get started.

I've asked our geeks team to make it so our email server slows down
anytime there are three messages from the same person within 10
minutes and they just laugh and say "wouldn't that be nice".

When we have email explosions on our list they usually last about 45
minutes, then someone says tone it down, and then there is nothing. If
someone cares about the topic it may come up again a week or so later,
often with a better starting email.

Mosaic Commons, Berlin, MA

On Fri, Jan 15, 2021 at 11:02 AM CJ Q <homeschoolvideo [at]> wrote:
> I think about this a lot.  The solution I've heard was to have mediators
> but that seems like censorship to me.  The better solution is to encourage
> neighbors to go talk to the other neighbor.
> We have email for official type business like announcing meetings and when
> the Internet is down. Slack has all sorts of messages and where things get
> hairy.  It is also easy to delete a message there.
> I posted in the spring asking all the parents how to deal with a situation.
> No problem.  But this fall someone else posted something similar. This time
> many feelings were hurt but it lead to an all group meeting where a lot of
> solutions were discussed. I thought it ended up being a positive. However,
> others then suggested one person erase messages that could be problematic
> and encourage them to talk to each other. It sounds great, but what
> discussions will be missed? What important information will be missed?
> Some things would have been nice to know as a whole group instead of only
> certain people knowing it had happened. For example, I wish I knew one dog
> snipped a child on a scooter. Then we would have known that dog does that
> (and later I found out scooters seem to trigger lots of dogs). Instead, I
> had no idea and then the dog bit my child.  These are just my thoughts and
> don't represent anybody else.
> Thanks,
> Carol
> _________________________________________________________________
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(The Rev. Dr.) Elizabeth Mae Magill
Pastor, Ashburnham Community Church
Minister to the Affiliates, Ecclesia Ministries
  • Re Email abuse CJ Q, January 15 2021
    • Re: Re Email abuse Elizabeth Magill, January 15 2021

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