|Re: decision-making is hard||<– Date –> <– Thread –>|
|From: Ann Lehman (annzimmerman-lehman.com)|
|Date: Sat, 30 Jan 2021 07:40:28 -0800 (PST)|
Ditto Great summary Sharon! Ann Lehman Principal Zimmerman Lehman forging futures for nonprofits https://zimmerman-lehman.com/ 510.755.5701 Yoga Teacher Slow Yoga 4 Savvy Bodies https://zimmerman-lehman.com/slowyoga.htm Board Member CoHousing Association of U.S. https://www.cohousing.org/ Please ignore typos sent from phone > On Jan 29, 2021, at 6:08 PM, Denise Tennen <denisetennen [at] > centurylink.net> wrote: > > Sharon > > As someone who has lived at my cohousing community in MN since Feb 1996, I > love all that you wrote about decision making in cohousing, including your > summation that it becomes easier when we accept that it is hard. > > thanks for this! > > Denise > >> On Jan 27, 2021, at 5:16 AM, cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org wrote: >> >> Send Cohousing-L mailing list submissions to >> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org >> >> To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit >> https://lists.cohousing.org/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l >> or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to >> cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org >> >> You can reach the person managing the list at >> cohousing-l-owner [at] cohousing.org >> >> When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific >> than "Re: Contents of Cohousing-L digest..." >> >> >> Today's Topics: >> >> 1. Re: Is consensus holding back the cohousing movement? >> (Sharon Villines) >> >> >> ---------------------------------------------------------------------- >> >> Message: 1 >> Date: Tue, 26 Jan 2021 14:57:10 -0500 >> From: Sharon Villines <sharon [at] sharonvillines.com> >> To: Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> >> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Is consensus holding back the cohousing movement? >> Message-ID: <CF3243CC-7ECD-4E60-AD22-2AA8CD803360 [at] sharonvillines.com> >> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8 >> >> I hesitated to weigh in on this on top of Anna (who lives 2 doors away and >> notices everyday if I?m watching TV or not). But waiting has also clarified >> some issues that I think we need to cross-stitch on a pillow with some roses >> and thorns: >> >> 1. Decision-making is hard regardless of the decision-making method. >> >> What is easier in both the short and long term than consensus? Is community >> enriched with autocratic decision-making? Or majority vote. Or management >> company decisions? Or political tradeoffs. >> >> 2. Making decisions that affect everyone individually is hard. >> >> A team is not making decisions about planting trees for themselves. They are >> making decisions for many people as individuals. And no one hired you to do >> it ?? you have no professional training in placing and planting trees. >> >> 3. Communications are hard. >> >> In the process of investigation and study, information is lost. Preferences >> gathered in October are forgotten by January. Options have changed by the >> time the order is placed. People have different mental images of expected >> results. A feature that is very important to some is not even noticed by >> others. Without communication, these expectations cause conflict. >> >> 4. Having patience is hard. >> >> A decision that you see as clearcut, a no brainer, is new to others and they >> need to sit with it. It may seem more efficient to set time limits on >> discussion, but that may discourage some people from getting involved at >> all. And some of those people will nurse grievances that build up and affect >> their comfort in the community. >> >> 5. Decisions that affect us physically and emotionally are hard. >> >> Cohousing is where we live. Our soul is invested. Can we live with >> appliances made in Germany? Which religious practices are comfortable for us >> in the CH? Do we value casual or formal? Do we need better air in the CH? >> Sometimes these are decisions made for health or ethical reasons, but they >> are also decisions about things that affect us physically and emotionally at >> a barely conscious level. >> >> 6. Decisions that place limits on our future are hard. >> >> If we plant trees outside the kitchen window will we be sorry next winter >> when there is no light or next summer when the birds are roosting and >> pooping on the glider? If we give up the hot tub, will we really build that >> darkroom? If we give up parking spaces, will it be a problem in the future? >> >> 7. Decisions that require sacrifices to our ethical beliefs are hard. >> >> Engaging and trying to change ourselves and the world is hard. It?s swimming >> upstream everyday. How far can we go on shopping locally? Or organic? Can we >> avoid shopping at a store that treats employees unfairly? Is that even the >> best way to change the store? Is the effect of using wool the same for >> animal welfare as using leather? >> >> 8. Decisions that require spending large amounts of money are hard. >> >> Cohousing is designed to facilitate and encourage community living but is >> also a significant real estate investment. We become managers of >> multi-million dollar buildings that require spending tens of thousands of >> dollars to maintain. Actively consenting to spend $500,000 on solar panels >> even with all their promise is still hard. >> >> 9. Decisions that must harmonize multiple socio-economic, ethnic, and >> cultural differences are hard. >> >> We want diversity but then we want consensus. In addition to behavioral >> expectations, cultural expectations often require spending money and time on >> things that have little value to us personally. Avoiding discrimination >> against or in favor of one group or the other according to age, gender, >> socio-economic class, education levels, etc., requires a depth of >> consideration that few of us have done on a daily, moment to moment basis. >> >> ????? >> >> Some people are not in a place in their lives that allows them to accept all >> these Hards. They are too stressed physically or mentally to cope with them >> or too happy without them. They have nuclear families or long-term >> friendships are as satisfying as they need. Or ill parents who require as >> much energy for others as they have ? right now. >> >> None of these Hards are likely to be easier by adding more process, or >> training, or setting time or discussion limits. Some can be more easily made >> using another decision-making method or additional training but it is still >> a matter of degree. >> >> Some decisions are made more appropriately by different methods. Majority >> vote for choosing dates when most people can be in town. Ranked choice >> voting for choosing the strongest preference between 6 alternatives. >> Solidarity for actions that might put the community legal or economic at >> risk. >> >> Group decisions become easier as community members gain understanding and >> build trust, but there are always new community members with new opinions, >> needs, customs, expectations, etc. It is not unusual for someone to join a >> community with ideas of fixing it. >> >> Basically, decision-making becomes easier when we accept that it is hard. >> And hard for good reason, not because we are inexperienced, afraid of >> conflict, have psychological problems, are too dominant or too passive, or >> are social failures. Decisions are easier when we don?t make judgments about >> why or how people disagree with us. >> >> Sharon >> ---- >> Sharon Villines, Washington DC >> "Reality is something you rise above." Liza Minnelli >> >> >> >> >> >> ------------------------------ >> >> Subject: Digest Footer >> >> _________________________________________________________________ >> Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: >> http://L.cohousing.org/info >> >> >> ------------------------------ >> >> End of Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 204, Issue 34 >> ******************************************** > > _________________________________________________________________ > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: > http://L.cohousing.org/info > > >
Re: decision-making is hard Denise Tennen, January 29 2021
- Re: decision-making is hard Ann Lehman, January 30 2021
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