Cohousing-L Mailing List: offensive language in the game

[Melanie G (gomelaniego]

Dear Dick,

I am so sorry to learn that you see these discussions as people telling you
what words are ok to be in the English language.  Perhaps people elsewhere
have actually said that to you, and that would be unfortunate.  I don't
like the idea of anyone trying to change anyone else or tell others what to
do.

The way I see it, is language shifts and morphs according to usage, and new
understandings of a certain tipping point amount of individuals and
groups.  So I believe it's important to raise the issues that exist with
words that have previously been used without any concern or thought about
how they may have affected those hearing them.  Mostly, that has happened
when those hearing them were a small enough minority that no one stood up
and noticed, or not enough people did anyway.

And now it seems more folks are beginning to take note of how words can
hurt.  That shouldn't be about you, or about blame, or at least I wish it
wasn't used that way.  Blaming people and saying they are bad or wrong, is
different to me from pointing out words that are potentially harmful.  I
wish we could all separate these ideas.  But alas, we live mired in a
culture of blame.

Most people I know do not use any of the aforementioned words with any
malice. Besides, malice is about intent, and I don't think any of us know
what someone else may intend.  Heck, sometimes, we don't even know what WE
intend.

I hope this message lands as a small clarification, a distinction that may
be made about word usage.  I don't think "cutting people slack" is fitting
with asking for a discussion or re evaluation of word usage.  If by
"cutting slack" we mean let people use the words without saying anything,
then are we in integrity if we know the words could harm someone?  And if
"cutting slack" means not blaming someone because they used a word without
being aware, then I am 100% with you.  I just don't think the two have to
be mutually exclusive.  We can share concern about word usage without
blaming the person who used the word.

there I go again, using lots of words here on this list... because they are
important to me.