Re: Request for meals info offline
From: Sharon Villines (sharonsharonvillines.com)
Date: Wed, 18 Jun 2008 06:31:19 -0700 (PDT)
I think Jennifer's list is a very good summary of meal problems. I rarely attend common meals so I'll add my reasons to hers:

5. Noise, noise, noise. I don't understand why kids are allowed to run and yell during meals. And the parents are the ones who most need community meals so there are normally lots of kids. And the parents are oblivious.

6. Unpredictability of menus and food content. What I think I'm signing up for is not what is served. Last minute switches, running out of the only two items I wanted to eat. Unadvertised unusual ingredients -- lasagna is an Italian dish with large flat noodles, cheese, tomato sauce, plus maybe ground beef, with simple but characteristic Italian spices. It is not carrot puree, tofu, macaroni, and no salt. (I'm exaggerating but not by much).

7. Unpredictable schedule. Serving 30-45 minutes late is the norm but if you allow for this and arrive late, the meal will be served on time and there will be no food left -- or only salad.

8. Too formal. Having tables set in a restaurant with waiters, is wonderful. Without waiters, too structured and too much work, and harder to choose with whom you would like to sit.

9. No real conversations. Between the kids, the passing food, the random assortments of people, I can't really discuss anything. Conversation about life, politics, work, etc., is the reason I have meals with people. I can do food more easily at home.

10. Serving "family style." When I discovered buffet dining, I felt like I had died and gone to heaven and always served this way in my home. The gourmet cooks I know also serve this way unless they hire waiters. Here, sometimes we serve buffet and sometimes we don't -- it isn't predictable.

11. Noise, Noise, Noise. You never know who is going to turn on what kind of music. I fear going to a meal and having to ask again to have it turned off or down. Even if the music starts out quietly, it gets steadily louder throughout the meal until someone objects.

12. I forget to go.

I'm sure there are various solutions to all these "problems" but with larger and more diverse communities, I honestly don't think enough people want to "solve" them in the same way. Can 65 adults with internationally diverse cultural backgrounds, an age range of 1-85, at least 5 different lifestyles -- working outside the home, inside the home, small children, etc. -- manage to support a community meal that any of them will attend every week?

In contemporary life, we may just be used to having too many other options.

What does work nicely are small informal gatherings around food. People bring take out and eat together -- either by ordering together or ordering separately and just happening to be there together -- or a combination. Or Tray Dinners. Everyone brings their own food on a tray, perhaps bringing something to share.

In the summer especially we have "rolling" meals in the piazza where people come and go throughout the evening on their own schedule. And they can last for hours as people come and go, and come back again. No one is picking up your dishes so they can get the dishwasher started or sweeping under your feet.

The keys to the success of the informal gatherings, I think, are no food restrictions, no food expectations, no clean up, no schedule, and enough air space for noise.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing,Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org




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