Re: Exclusion of a Member | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Rob Sandelin (floriferousmsn.com) | |
Date: Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:00:14 -0700 (PDT) |
Once upon a time I got called in to a community to facilitate the process of either reconciling with or helping the group remove a member who was seen by the group as being far out of sync with everybody else to the point where people did not to be around or work with this person. I approached it as a sharing circle of feelings, holding a very tight facilitators grip on HOW people communicated their feelings in order to allow for the most constructive feedback. To everyone's surprise, including mine, the person in question was stunned that he had alienated so many people by how he communicated. It was the FIRST time in his whole life anybody had ever given him such feedback and he was open enough to realize that some of other failed relationships in life were due to how he communicated. His angry and confrontational style served him in his business life, but ruined his social relationships. When I left, the group had made an agreement to make him provisional based upon behavioral and communicational improvements. About 4 years later I ran into somebody from that group and I asked about "Bill" (Not his real name) and I heard that Bill had become a core member and was loved by everybody. This particular group was willing to invest a lot of time and energy (and money to hire me) to preserve and continue a relationship to a single member. Of course this outcome is perhaps not common and in such cases, the disaffected person leaves. But the lesson I learned from that experience is that a good system of direct and honest nonjudgmental feedback can help a great deal to improve damaged relationships. Rob Sandelin Sharingwood Community Snohomish County, WA
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Exclusion of a Member Louis-H. Campagna, October 19 2008
- Re: Exclusion of a Member Rob Sandelin, October 20 2008
- Re: Exclusion of a Member Sharon Villines, November 16 2008
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