Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Anti-Social Americans

[Fred H Olson WB0YQM (fholson]

BARB [at] LEXIS-NEXIS.COM  S: BARBARA.BRUNS [at] LEXIS-NEXIS.COM  Barbara Bruns
is the author of the message below but due
to a listserv problem it was posted by the COHOUSING-L sysop (Fred).
****************  FORWARDED MESSAGE FOLLOWS *********************


Speaking from only my experience, it is the structure of our lives, not
the structure of our neighborhoods, that makes us anti-social.  For example:

I have some wonderful next-door neighbors.  If I slip and  mention to
Mona that my lawn-mower isn't working, she will call out to her husband Rick
to come fix it, and they will "steal" it right out from under my nose before
I can protest sufficiently (actually, there IS no sufficient protest - they
would do it no matter what).  A few days later, it's back, handle re-soldered,
blade sharpened, and probably cleaner than when it left.

These same people planned to move to Tennessee when their high-school aged
kids got to college.  Well, the kids are in college, but in the meantime the
woman next door to them became widowed, and needs some emotional support,
plus maybe someone to fix things like lawn mowers.  So Rick and Mona are
staying right where they are "as long as Doris is here."  On Friday nights, 
Mona, Rick, and Doris grill out together.  They've "reinvented community" 
between our three houses, but they don't know there's a label for it.

So what's my point?  Well, I drive 25 miles each way to work; I'm in school
two nights a week to finish my bachelor's degree.  I have a house and a rather
large yard to maintain.  Do I need a house for just me and 1 still-at-home
child?  No.  Do I need a quarter-acre + of grass?  No.  Do I need a job 25
miles away?  Well, yes; to pay for the other stuff.  I bought into "the
American Dream" and right now it owns me.

So when I come home in the evening and Mona is out walking the dog, or
I'm dragging back in from doing Saturday errands and Rick is working in
the yard, do I stop and chat?  Sometimes.  But most times, I hit the garage
door opener and slide into the garage with a wave, because I'm already 'way
behind in my chores, or I've got a paper to finish, and Mona can really be 
a talker ...

Am I anti-social?  I don't think so.  I'd love to sit on the stoop and
drink a beer, and when I DO spend 45 minutes in the front yard talking
with Mona, I always come away thinking what a great person she is.  

I'm looking for community, and it's right next door, but my life-style
makes it damned difficult to cultivate.

Something's gonna change ...

Two more cents' ...

Barb