Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: site selection musings

[Patty M Gourley (pattymara]

On Wed, 1 Nov 2000 07:44:47 -0600 Sharon Villines
<sharonvillines [at] prodigy.net> writes:
>
> With the exception of the one family with a toddler who is isolated 
> from the other toddlers, this division seems to work for people--how
would 
> you change it?. 

I don't have to change it.  As a mother of teens, one of whom is away at
college, I know from experience that soon enough toddlers grow into kids
who can find their way down the path safely to their friends' houses in
the south part of our community.  My friend won't feel the isolation in
the same way then.  But the fact will remain that she will still be
living next to an absentee neighbor who isn't landscaping his yard, and
two other neighbors who don't share in any of the same activities as she
does, other than business meetings and community work days on rare
occasions.  These are the realities of living in community.  We do have
some opportunities for bringing these issues up in a relatively safe
arena, but it is still difficult work and challenging for all of us.   We
are all learning as we go.

<<With each decade of life, different things become possible
> and desirable. I adore living in a  home with no children as much I 
> adored living on a block with 45 kids when I was a kid. With people
being 
> able to choose serene or child centered, you have a much more complex 
> community with less daily friction.

Ah, but you see, when we selected our lots we didn't think about whether
it was a serene or child-centered location.   Most of us thought about
the views, the natural lighting, the relationship to the common house,
closeness or distance from cars and parking, proximity to the garden,
etc.  I don't think that any of us considered who our neighbors would be.
 We all thought we'd be in the same community, and that the ambiance
would be the same for all of the different areas.  Not true, and only
with hindsight can one see the distinctions.  

For most of the members who bought their homes toward the end of the
project there was little choice.  Whatever site was available, and
affordable, was chosen.  

Ideally, if we were less attached to our individual houses, and all the
customizations and improvements made on them since move-in, then
households could swap houses.   The family with toddlers in the serene
north (cohono) could change houses with the single senior who struggles
with the noise and clutter in the kidland south (cohosur).      But it
ain't gonna happen anyday soon.  

> The desire for diversity conflicts with the desire for sympatico. As 
> one of our members said recently in a discussion of what people found 
> offensive hung on front doors or displayed in windows, "You got me
because you 
> wanted diversity, now you want be to be like everyone else."

I love this!  

Thanks, Sharon,
coheartedly,
PattyMara
Tierra Nueva, central CA coast








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