Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Consensus & Majority Voting\Committee in Trouble

[Becky Schaller (bschaller]

Patty,  thanks for responding.  I was particularly glad to see you mention
Marshall Rosenberg's work.  (Non-violent Communication)  Someone mentioned
it to me a few months ago and we just started a 4 week class with about five
of us from the community.  Others are interested in taking a similar class
in the fall.  There are several trainers here in Tucson.  I like the idea of
a study group as it is much less expensive.  But for right now, I think the
leadership of someone who is specifically trained in Non-violent
Communication is most helpful to us.   I'm quite hopeful about it for the
long term.

For those interested, this is the website.
http://www.cnvc.org/main.htm

I do think that if the committee had known about this and followed it, a lot
of the problems would have been lessened.  Many, but not all.

Thanks for the confirmation that we're on the right track.
Becky

 
> At Tierra Nueva, we have experienced some difficult interpersonal work on
> a few of our committees.  It seems that the committees offer a good
> platform for interesting power & control struggles between strong
> personalities.    The resources that we used were engaging a mediator,
> plus, using excruciatingly clear communication practices during the
> meetings.   Normally we have not felt the need to write minutes for
> committee meetings, but when disagreements surfaced, it felt necessary
> and helpful to start recording minutes which everyone could reference
> when things got confusing and stickier.
> 
> We used a trained mediator who lives here, chosen by the person who felt
> most threatened, or misunderstood.  The meetings were rather gruelling,
> but ultimately helpful.    (The person really wanted us all to pay for a
> mediator from outside the community, but we did not agree with her, so
> she chose someone from within the group, but not on the committee.)
> 
> Positions became more clear, feelings were listened to, and acknowledged.
> Eventually we realized that it really wasn't about *isssues* we were
> trying to come to agreement on, it was really about the one person's
> unhappiness that we didn't agree with her or meet her needs (spoken and
> unspoken).  (Yes, that's a judgement on my part.)  Eventually, she
> resigned from the committee, we went forward with the work, and within 6
> months she chose to leave the community.  Part of our committee work
> involved compensating this person for a donation of an item she had made
> to the group, which we chose not to use.
> 
> Relationship work is worthy work.  One resource I would mightily
> recommend is Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent, Compassionate
> Communication book, workbooks and videos.  We're in the process of
> forming a study group here to do more practice together.  I know he has a
> website, and it has been mentioned on this list previously, but I can't
> seem to find the link in my files.     He offers simple communication
> tools for discerning underlying needs and responding with big heart
> compassion (like a giraffe, which has the biggest heart of the land
> mammals).  
> 
> coheartedly,
> Patty Mara
> Tierra Nueva, Central CA Coast.
> 
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> mmmm  
> 
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