Cohousing-L Mailing List: Filters: Was like minded

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

The act of intentionally creating a community is a filter, it will
automatically select (attract) certain people who share similiar ideas and
goals. Cohousing has many filters  which  screen people, economics of home
ownership being a huge one.  Often there are many things which act to filter
out people. Long, intense meetings can filter out folks, Too much inquiry
into private matters will filter out others, certain child raising type of
philosophy can be a screen for parents, the general politics of strong
people in the group will turn on/off.  We have had people react to the
lesbian couple here which filtered them out, and others filter out because
we are not green enough, spiritual enough or don't have group meal eating
options which they want. The list of these things is interesting, and often
communities are unaware of their attributes which filter people out/in.

One thing that sometimes filters people strongly is how many people in the
group are "like me". For example, if I am going to be the only person who is
a left handed, dark skinned, Jewish transsexual republican, I might not want
to join the group, especially if everyone else is NOT like me. In numerous
conversations and discussion groups about racial diversity, this theme has
come up over and over again. If I am the only person that is white skinned,
joining a community of non-white skinned people is a much bigger jump than
if there are two or three people already involved like me. There can be a
high discomfort level in being "the only one" although this is not true all
the time.

Once you become an established community, the reality you create filters
people. As a long established community, Sharingwood pretty much just lives
with how we are and we are pretty clear about it. The general attitude is
that we are who we are, we do what we do, and if that works for you, great.
If not, well if you join our community with the mission to change lots of
things you will probably not live here too long (unless you have enormous
patience and tolerance). Its not that things can't be changed, it's just
that there is a comfort level with the way things are, and its not until the
general community becomes uncomfortable that any thing is going to become
energized enough to be changed. So if a new person does not like the way
dinners are done, they will have to shoulder the energy to work out the
changes pretty much all on their own, which generally does not happen. Most
new energy goes into creating something new which did not exist before, not
changing existing things which people are generally satisfied with.

Groups that are just forming and looking for members, understanding what
filters people OUT  might be useful. You can sometimes get a clue by
tracking new comers who drop out then inviting them to share their reasons.


Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood Cohousing
South Snohomish County at the headwaters of Ricci Creek
Sky Valley Environments  <http://www.nonprofitpages.com/nica/SVE.htm>
Field skills training for student naturalists
Floriferous [at] msn.com


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