Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Size of Community

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On Feb 19, 2005, at 11:43 AM, Emily Daniel wrote:

> What I have observed is that the larger the group the more structure 
> that appears to be needed.  We're constantly trying to walk that line 
> about how much structure is enough and how much is too much which I 
> suspect is an ongoing co-housing issue.   I'm a little concerned about 
> our goal of 38 houses with all of this subdividing occuring.
>
> So here are the questions:  From a non economic perspective what are 
> the things you like and dislike about the size of your community and 
> how has subdividing units affected your community?

I like the idea of subdividing since it allows people who want smaller 
spaces and smaller incomes to live in the community. I personally don't 
like the transience that renting rooms has caused (we have too much, I 
think) but smaller apartments would be more likely to attract 
semi-permanent residents, particularly the 20 somethings who are not 
ready to settle down "forever" and who want a rental apartment.

In DC, there are a million opportunities to rent to interns and fellows 
who are here for 3-6 months. Some people with larger units have done 
this to have extra income without a "permanent" housemate.  Some love 
it but the obligation on the part of the rest of us to welcome them is 
tiring for me. Particularly around holidays when I want to make them 
feel welcome but would also prefer to be just with family and close 
friends -- to relax.

The structure issue is really one of communication. It is so hard to 
get our 57 adults on the same page--in the same room, even. Some read 
email but others don't. Some never check their cubbies for handouts. 
Others throw them away as soon as they get them. We do have a "breaking 
news" or "this week at TVC" bulletin board that works fairly well since 
most people pass by it a few times a week to check mail. We do have 
residents who are not on any team, do not attend all membership 
meetings, and are not well connected with another well-connected 
member. If communications (a two way street) were better, less 
structure would be required.

I find a real deficit in the department of telling people what the 
problem is rather than just making more rules or putting out more 
paper. In my view, we don't say enough to people, "you have to read the 
main email list, you have to read the minutes of meetings, you have to 
attend membership meetings and you have to be connected to a team if 
you want to feel included." We always assume that we have done 
something wrong when someone else doesn't understand things. The 
deficit is much more often on the part of the person who is not 
listening, than on the part of the team trying to share information.

We tinker with lists, rules, forums, buddy systems, small group 
discussions, etc. when what we really need to say is "in a large group 
it is easier to avoid knowing stuff you don't want to know but that 
also means you won't find out what  you need to know. You have to 
listen--and that includes reading. Reading is listening."

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org