Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: queries during conflict

[Tree Bressen (tree]

Hi,

Just to clarify a bit on the use of the questions i sent, i wrote these 
queries specifically for situations that are really entrenched.  I mean the 
kind of thing where members had a major upset that has gotten personal, has 
not been worked out yet, and is probably affecting community business as 
well as the relationships between some of the protagonists.  (In the cases 
i have used these questions, the difficulty had already lasted over a year 
before i was brought in to facilitate, although i think it would be 
wonderful to ask questions like these sooner!--which is part of the 
motivation to share them with this list.)

In a situation of this kind, working only on the rational aspects of the 
issue won't solve it, you have to work with the feelings, humyn elements, 
and people's personal stories and interpretations in order to move 
forward.  And, you need to work with it in a specific way so that, for 
instance (in answer to Stacia's wondering), the response to the question 
"What do you appreciate that has been done by someone you disagreed with on 
this issue?" is expected to be something on that particular issue, not 
something one appreciates about the person in some other area of community 
life.  Of course, the participants need to be willing--sometimes people 
need time before they are ready.

I can see how in a community where the whole group (or the members 
involved) was trained in and enjoyed using NVC, then that method might work 
well in situations of this kind too.  However, i think it's very important 
to have other options.

For a general unresolved group issue, i would not approach it with these 
kinds of questions, i think there are other approaches that would be a 
better fit.

Cheers,

--Tree



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Tree Bressen
1680 Walnut St.
Eugene, OR 97403
(541) 484-1156
tree [at] ic.org
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