From: Elizabeth Magill (
Date: Thu, 7 Aug 2008 12:45:18 -0700 (PDT)
I'm not sure what you are asking?
I assume not about how many people are in romantic relationships with no legal connection?

But rather, who has found that the neighbors kids become their kids, or that they are like a grandmother to Jo-lee, or that Juan is like a brother to me, since we moved into community?

Is that the question? And perhaps how does living in intentional community, as opposed to living in more isolated neighborhoods, affect that?

Mosaic Commons, Berlin MA
Just waiting to get my floor loom set up in my brand new attic.
Wondering if we should add solar water heater before move-in.
Applying for mortgages, etc.
Join me! We have affordable and market rates homes still waiting for you!

On Aug 6, 2008, at 2:57 PM, balaji [at] wrote:

From the perspective of a cultural anthropologist -- my stock and trade --
I find it interesting that traditional cohousing communities (by which I mean "villages") address the same issues by means of kinship processes,
either "real" or "fictive."  By "real" I mean the standard American
definition, e.g., relations by "blood" and by "law." "Fictive" (again, from our perspective) means the extension of kinship categories to those
we are not "really" related to.  I wonder . . . have any of you in
cohousing communities found kinship (real, fictive, or whatever) directly
or surepticiously affecting your relationships with each other?

Charles Nuckolls
Utah Valley Commons

On Aug 5, 2008, at 11:16 AM, Sharon Villines wrote:

The determination of effective is in the results of the decision, not
the process that led to the decision.

I need to clarify. This could be read, for example, that an
autocratically made decision is just as good as one that is the result
of a consensus process. It may be, but only if the group has decided
by consensus that certain decisions will be made autocratically.

What I meant is that just because you hired a facilitator and spent 8
hours discussing whether the roof should be red or blue, will not
produce  an effective decision if the roofing only comes in green or
the red and blue are both colors that will fade in 6 months to brown.

The weekend may have produced bonding, etc., but how effective was the
decision about choosing a roof color to compliment the color of the

That's what I meant about process not being the criterion on which one measures the effectiveness of a decision. Examining the process may be
helpful in understanding where you got off track, however, or how you
stayed on track.

Sharon Villines
Sociocracy, a Deeper Democracy

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