Cohousing-L Mailing List: The Self vs the Greater Good

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

When someone tells me "Think of the greater good. The good of the larger 
community," what I observe is that they aren't thinking of the greater good at 
all. They are bored with the reality of me sitting there saying, "No, I don't 
want to do this. I don't consent. This isn't good for me. And i don't think it 
is good for any of us regardless of whether 90% of the other people in the room 
agree with me or not." Or "This policy doesn't make sense. At least it should 
be logical."

It is easier to think about finding water in Africa or bringing education to 
girls in Iran than to work that through, again.

I don't bow to the "greater good" because I find that it inevitably means "the 
majority." Asking individuals to forget about themselves is to forget what 
cohousing was formed to do: To create communities where individuals can live 
happy lives and do whatever work they are called to do. To be truly selfless is 
to have a strong sense of self.

Whenever I find myself thinking about The Big Issues, what I really want is to 
feel elevated. To feel that i'm doing something important. To be connected to 
something earth changing. To be recognized. But the people who change my world 
are the ones who take my do do seriously, and fix it. I think they would like 
me to do the same. If I eradicate an -ism, their do do will still be sitting 
there.

I think the most world changing thing I can do is to get through the day 
without hurting anyone's feelings. In cohousing, I find that is close to 
impossible — not only to do but to remember not to do. Much easier to plan a 
strategy to solve world hunger.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
"It is harder to be kind than clever. KIndness is a choice and hard. Cleverness 
is a gift and seductive." Jeff Bezos' Grandfather