Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: The Red Mercedes [was Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks"]

[Dane Laverty (danelaverty]

Okay, I've taken my first swing at fleshing out what my "red Mercedes" ideal
community looks like in a blog post:
http://timesandseasons.org/index.php/2011/10/the-world-i-choose/ (I hope
it's not inappropriate to link to other websites here in the mailing list.)

Dane



On Mon, Oct 3, 2011 at 10:36 PM, Dane Laverty <danelaverty [at] gmail.com> 
wrote:

> Sharon, I love your story of the red Mercedes. It's been on my mind for the
> past couple days. (I'm going to wax reflective, so I hope you'll indulge
> me.)
>
> Cohousing is my red Mercedes. Since I discovered cohousing a few years ago
> and I read Chris Hanson's *The Cohousing Handbook*, it's become a sort of
> imaginary panacea for me. Here's how cohousing works in my mind:
>
>    - I wake up just before the sunrise and step outside into the brisk
>    morning. My best friend Jeremy, who lives next door, is out waiting for me.
>    We walk quietly through the dew-covered grass of the commons area and past
>    the garden, and take the walking trail up to the top of the hill near our
>    community. We talk about life, families, and plans, and enjoy watching the
>    sunrise together.
>    - I wake up just before the sunrise and step outside into the brisk
>    morning. I sit down with my hot chocolate on a patio chair. I spend the 
> time
>    alone in the quiet stillness of the morning.
>    - I wake up just before the sunrise and step outside to meet the
>    morning dance group. We breathe, move, and run through choreography in the
>    lawn together.
>
> ...
>
>    - I spend my days in artistic and creative pursuits: writing, game
>    design, philosophy, choreography, teaching, and reading.
>    - I spend my days outside with the kids. They play and I keep an eye on
>    them, chatting with the other parents.
>    - I spend my days under trees, by riversides, over grass, and across
>    landscapes. I enjoy the sun, the shade, the wind, and the earth.
>
> ...
>
>    - When I come home in the evening, it's my night to cook. I make dozens
>    of burritos and we gather out to share dinner together while our kids
>    provide the chaotic entertainment of being kids.
>    - When I come home in the evening, I get my djembe and join in
>    improvised song and music with my neighbors.
>    - When I come home in the evening, after dinner I play Settlers of
>    Catan in the CH with my friends, enjoying the magical peace of the night.
>    - When I come home in the evening, I lay down on the grass and watch
>    the stars.
>
> ...
>
> But that's not how cohousing works. In reality, I don't imagine that living
> in cohousing would contribute to almost any of the items on my list. What is
> currently preventing me from enjoying my sunrises, my shade dappled forests,
> and my quiet evenings of solemn peacefulness? It's the fact that I've got a
> job and a mortgage, that I have family responsibilities and children to
> raise. It's the fact that my email is more tempting than my front yard. It's
> the fact that it's easy to imagine doing things spontaneously with friends,
> but in real life those kinds of activities take planning and leadership and
> energy. I've got meals to prepare, a house to clean, a wife to love, and a
> career to attend to. Cohousing doesn't make any of those things go away.
>
> All that said, I'd still jump at the chance to live in a cohousing
> community. Even if it's not everything, it can be something, and it sounds
> like something wonderful.
>
> D
>
>
>
> On Sat, Oct 1, 2011 at 1:15 PM, Sharon Villines <sharon [at] 
> sharonvillines.com
> > wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> What about problem solving?
>>
>> Compromise suggests already determined solutions/demands/proposals and
>> each side has to give up something. From Dictionary.com: "a settlement of
>> differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of
>> conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification
>> of demands."
>>
>> If the objective is to find the best solution possible to address
>> everyone's needs, then commitment to creative problem-solving would be
>> needed. The solution doesn't yet exist.
>>
>> I used to do an exercise in a career planning workshop in which people
>> stated a desire to have or to avoid something and then the group analyzed it
>> to determine exactly what practical solution would address it. The lesson
>> was that we are often perfectly happy with a small change when we are
>> obsessing about a huge change. Most of us don't even like huge changes.
>>
>> One person wanted a red Mercedes. Totally out of the question but a daily
>> disappointment, and on weekends led to depression. After many layers of
>> questioning about what was really important, it was to have a long drive in
>> the country on weekends in a nice shiny new car. Solution: Rent a car once
>> or twice a month. Not only possible, but more enjoyable than having
>> responsibility for a high-crime-target Mercedes.
>>
>> Another wanted to live close to work and had spent years looking for a
>> place she could afford. Never going to happen. Ultimately what she really
>> wanted was to avoid packed-like-sardine-cans subway trains every morning.
>> Solution: go to work early and have breakfast at a diner or at your desk.
>>
>> Often the most seemingly obvious solutions were a surprise to the person
>> needing them. But I can't think of any cohousing examples just now.
>>
>> Sharon
>> ----
>> Sharon Villines
>> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
>> http://www.takomavillage.org
>>
>>
>>
>>
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>>
>