Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: That meeting opener that includes some appreciations

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> On Apr 20, 2016, at 8:36 PM, Jim Snyder-Grant <jim.snyder.grant [at] 
> gmail.com> wrote:

> I'm remembering, vaguely, a group activity for opening coho meetings that
> has three simple activities that have cute names (maybe animal names?). One
> of the activities is just a simple structure for sharing appreciations we
> have of all the neat stuff we notice each other doing in the recent past.

I don’t remember a specific ritual but have a few suggestions. Remember that 
these are to connect people more deeply, not introduce people to each other. 
Connections need more meaningful content. Many of these opening exercises were 
developed to be  used in college dorms to introduce kids to each other. They 
are intended to be silly and reduce stress. 

While it is always nice to be given an opportunity to be silly and reduce 
stress, after you have been asked “What kind of tree would you be if you were a 
tree?” about 50 times in your life it gets old. Even if you could think of 
yourself as a tree, after the second time around, it’s all repetition. Kids go 
to college ONCE. 

Even if the exercise occurs in a different group of people, you are probably 
the same tree and responding by rote. Not a good place from which to to share 
or invite sharing.

Sharing good stuff that happened this week is good but is pretty much like a 
news report unless it is a surprising or major event. How many of those do most 
of us have? Appreciations can become very boring very fast and place a lot of 
pressure on people to come up with some. Everyone should appreciate someone 
every meeting. 

I’m not suggesting that some people don’t enjoy these exercises heartily, but I 
don’t think they do anything other than provide another game to play. (Except 
heartfelt and spontaneous appreciations.)

Better, I think is to do a quick round on a question directly related to 
community experience. Not one that is likely to drag down the room but one that 
has the possibility of sharing thoughts and feelings on something real and 
related to the community:

1. How did you feel when you heard that the community/resident was on the front 
of the weekly paper?

2. What was your first response when you saw the snow on Wednesday morning?

3. If we had a box of homemade cookies in the refrigerator, what would you like 
them to be?

4. Which of our trees do you like best?

5. What theme would you like to suggest for a potluck?

Answers to these questions can reveal much more about people that it would 
seem, and be unique each time. And not threatening or negative unless it is 
related to a conflict. Avoid issues that have caused conflict.

And remember: “There can be too much truth in any relationship.” — Violet, 
Dowager Countess of Grantham


Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org