Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Age-restricted access to common house?

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

At one point we restricted access to 12 and older but age restrictions didn’t 
work well. Some 10 year olds are perfectly capable and some 15 year olds 
untrustworthy. The needs also change when we have a cluster in one age group. 
Parents differ on younger children in the CH — about 6 is the age when they can 
be in the CH to play in the kids room without an adult. For some parents this 
is also a concern about child safety, not CH safety.

We have many individual rules set by parents. One not allowed on the computer 
(sex related cruising), two not allowed in the TV room without permission, etc. 
Parents enforce this but other members are asked to help monitor. 

We have a coded entry that older children know.

When we had a cluster of 2-3-4 year olds we often locked the kids room so 
parents had to be aware that their children were in there and they were 
responsible for clean up.

Children are not allowed in the kitchen unless actually cooking with a parent. 
This is an informal rule but has been very helpful. No one has to worry about 
tripping over a child. Older children not prohibited though a hyperactive teen 
might be asked to stay on the other side of the counter.

> etting kids have that key and come and go
> without supervision, but parents were leery even of that -- particularly
> given the climbing wall and loft in that room.

A facility like this would be locked. Our room is used by different ages. The 
standard is "safe for kids under 3.” Crayons kept in a high cupboard to protect 
the walls. There is another room with a wii, etc., for teens that used to be 
locked but is now open.

> Slumber parties have periodic parental checks if not an adult on the
> premises.

This would be supervised by a parent. Having “strange” children in the CH 
unsupervised is not a good idea. It is like turning them loose in an amusement 
park. Any events with “outside attendees” have to be supervised. Parents also 
like to know when 50 strangers will be onsite.

Parents have learned to have extra supervision at birthday parties. Since the 
space is so large and includes outdoor play areas, more children than usual are 
invited without realizing the difference between 12 kids in a house and 35 in a 
large building with entrances to hallways and two outdoor play areas.

> We wheedled the mail carrier into
> putting packages inside the locked door with permission to use our
> restroom.

Our postal carriers use the CH restrooms regularly, including when they aren’t 
delivering mail. Regulars use the microwave and read the newspaper at lunch. 
Another watched a soap opera everyday while he ate his lunch. One had an easter 
egg hunt here for her family and friends on a Saturday.

> power tools,
> gasoline, solvents .... This may have been after the owner of the table saw
> and router moved away.  

These would definitely be locked in the workshop, along with any left over 
alcohol and x-rated movies.

We don’t have any destructive children (right now) hough they have to be 
reminded not to jump on the furniture or have pillow fights in the living room. 

Warning about two-storey ceilings, they trigger gymnasium behavior. Yelling, 
running, leaping.

Age groups vary but we normally have ~20 children. We didn’t have any babies 
for the last few years but are now  about to have the fifth newborn & toddlers. 
6 older teens are off to college and/or work. 

Ages change so much and kids are so different that hard and fast rules become 
arbitrary and a source of “discrimination” instead of guidance.

I have decorated our Christmas tree for many years and gave it up this year. My 
replacement asked if there was anything she should know. One thing I included 
(aside from what kind of pizzas to order0 was a list of the children and their 
various capabilities. What she would have to remind them to do or not do, and 
which ones to watch out for: SD breaks ornaments by just picking them up, 
remind ES to hang ornaments back on the branch instead of the tips where they 
fall off… In the end I had ~ 10 comments on individual reminders based on child 
behavior.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org