Re: Consensus and conflict
From: Allison Tom (allisonrtomgmail.com)
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2021 13:22:37 -0800 (PST)
I'm interested to hear that many communities are using principles from NVC.
I've been hearing criticism of NVC for its impact on BIPOC and other
marginalized groups.  Any thoughts on that?

Allison
Driftwood Village Cohousing (in construction)
North Vancouver, BC, Canada

On Wed, Jan 6, 2021 at 1:11 PM Scott Drennan <scottd [at] pobox.com> wrote:

> I think there's a distinction between the welcoming of conflict and the
> welcoming of violent confrontation.  What Sharon describes with throwing of
> chairs and pounding of tables seems like it would be traumatizing to people
> with a history of bullying and abuse, and not what I would be looking for
> in a cohousing community.
>
> I find that Roseberg's Nonviolent Communication <https://www.cnvc.org>
> provides a good adjunct to sociocracy and gives a vocabulary and structure
> for us to discuss contentious issues in ways that don't degrade to
> bullying, name calling and throwing things.  Since use of NVC is included
> in our community values it also gives a tool to stop those sorts of
> escalations without needing to resort to the same techniques.
>
> cheers,
> Scott
> ---
> Scott Drennan
> Treehouse Village Ecohousing (in development)
> Bridgewater, NS, Canada
> https://treehousevillage.ca/
>
>
> On Wed, Jan 6, 2021 at 4:45 PM Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L <
> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>
> > > On Jan 5, 2021, at 10:25 AM, Fred-List manager <fholson [at] 
> > > cohousing.org>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > I am convinced what the world needs now is a normalization and even a
> > > WELCOMING of "conflict".  Dominic Barter says "conflict is new
> > information
> > > entering a system, that has not been integrated."  I don't see
> sociocracy
> > > as having such a mechanism in place.  And I have taken the course.
> > Maybe I
> > > missed something?
> > ...
> >
> > I actually miss the heat in our early membership meetings with people
> > yelling, pounding on tables, walking out. Once we were confronted with
> > Person A protesting that Person B had thrown a chair at her. Person B
> > admitted to throwing a chair but he said he didn’t throw it at her. He
> just
> > threw it across the room.
> >
> > Sometimes I wish that there were exercises that desensitized people to
> > yelling and arguing and having to stand up for themselves when they
> thought
> > they were being criticized. They seem to be directed to keeping everyone
> > "nice.” it’s all well and good to feel compassionate when compassion is
> > helpful. But it doesn’t usually mean much when people are arguing points
> of
> > view.
> >
>
> ...
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