Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: personality style differences and flaming

[LockeK (LockeK]

I've been trying to stay out of the discussion since I'm not officially in a
cohousing group (or even unofficially), but when Ron Sandelin wrote >(and 
to quote my favorite flame) : just let the cry babies who get their 
feelings hurt  leave so the rest of us can get our capital improvements
built.> I couldn't help responding.

     I don't know if this will help, but I've been studying personality
styles (e.g. Myers Briggs).  A lot of what I'm hearing could be interpreted
as style differences.  "Crybaby" would be how a "Thinking" person would
respond to appeals by a "Feeling" person- they aren't being logical, they pay
too much attention to feelings, why can't they just stick to the task, etc.
 On the other hand, the temptation to think that all people should honor
feelings as much as I do is a typical "Feeling" response.  We tend to regard
"thinking" types as cold, unfeeling, and generally less sophisticated about
"real issues" than we are.
     At the risk of getting flamed by both sides (I've never actually been
flamed, so it might be interesting), I might venture to suggest that it might
be helpful to take one person who thinks the opposite of you and REALLY ask
them how they came to that position-their background, their experiences,
their outlook, etc.  Or read some personality style literature.  Either way,
if you're open to the possibility you might learn about the STRENGTHS of the
opposite viewpoint and how it can be incorporated into the community.  It
also might help you to understand the weaknesses inherent in both sides (and
there are many) which you could then work to balance out in your own life.
     Sorry to get so lecture-like- it's the teacher in me.
Karen