Cohousing-L Mailing List: How to Write Long Impassioned Messages (that get read)

[John Gear (catalyst]

I'm frustrated (and when I'm frustrated, boy, look out!) by the message
below, parts of which I have exerpted to use an an example.  It probably has
some great stuff to communicate ... but I can't read it very well.  I
*won't* print things 99.999% of the time and I sure can't read this off the
screen very well.

Since some of our most eloquent list members write messages just like this I
would like to offer these suggestions for how to write about things you
*really* want to communicate--so your message gets through.  I won't go into
all the research to back this up, but I *will* give you some of the results:  

         1.  Keep paragraphs under ten typed lines.  Fits on virtually all
screens.
         2.  Keep your sentences short.  Under 17 words on average is ideal.
         3.  Use subheadings liberally to help the reader stay oriented.
         4.  Keep the subject and verb close together.
         5.  Put the subject and verb at the front of the sentence most of
the time.
                     
I've reprinted excerpts from the message that set me off with subheadings
and broken up into digestible-size pieces.  Please, David, *don't* think
this is a flame.  It's just that your's was a great example of a lot of
important stuff getting lost because of the medium and method of delivery.

Please send all flames on this directly to catalyst [at] pacifier.com instead of
burdening the rest of the list members with them.  Peace.

Home Businesses and Cohousing

>        I just need to get in my 4 cents' worth on the stimulating 
>commuting/starting a business at home discussion that's been going on this 
>week.

Short History of Southside Park Coho; Sacramento CA
>
>        One obvious answer for many of us (Southside Park Cohousing) in 
>pursuing our aspiration to live more environmentally friendly was to build on 
>an abandoned site in a mixed (residential-commercial) neighborhood in downtown
>Sacramento. When we agreed to buy our 1.3 acres from the city, there were 
>three abando ... (snip)

Description of Southside Park/Effect on Cars

>We have 25 units in all, far more than the land originally held when it was
divided up 
>into single-family lots, but ... (snip)

> That's because even with Sacramento's horribly inadquate public
transportation, ... (snip)

>We've also talked about getting an electric car or two to share, and a
>couple people were looking into it, though I haven't heard anything about it 
>for a while. And yes, we do have electric outlets in some of our carports.

Problems with the Independent Contractor Society

      Which brings me to my other 2 cents' worth, concerning the suggestion 
>that we might try to establish businesses where we work, either as individuals
>or in larger enterprises that might even support most of the community.

>First off, I'm highly allergic to the vision of a society of 
>independent contractors. It's a role that far too many folks are being forced 
>into by corporations that ... (snip)

>Sure, a few do very well, but many don't. And there's the whole different 
>mentality that comes with working "for yourself,"... (snip)

The Contradiction of Cohousing and Capitalism

> The thought of forming enterprises owned by cooperatives of several 
>members of a cohousing community is more attractively collective-minded on one
>level but still shares the same ultimate contradiction. In capitalist society,
>a business is inexorably driven to ... (snip)

Lessons from the Kibbutzim

>I've witnessed this as a longtime Israeli and ardent observer (plus 
>sometime resident) of kibbutzim. As much as I was attracted by many aspects of
>their lifestyle ... (snip)

>The result: a kibbutz "movement" that encompassed a smaller and 
>smaller segment of the population, enjoyed in most cases a relatively high 
>standard of living, was perceived as elitist and snobbish by most of the real 
>working class ... and that little by little abandoned much of its communal 
>lifestyle as well.

Cohousing Doesn't Change the Economy

>The lesson I draw: we can't and shouldn't pretend to be building 
>socialism or ecotopia by ... (snip)

>I hope it will make my life more efficient so that I and my neighbors can be 
>more available to effect change in the larger society around us; and perhaps 
>because ... (snip)

Cohousing and Urban Revival

>And to bring this outburst back around to where I started, the reasons
>I and at least some of my comrades ... (snip)

>And I 
>have high hopes that by working with our other neighbors, we'll have an impact
>on the quality of urban life in Sacramento. For starters ... (snip)

Your Ideas Welcome
 
>Holding the fort against isolationist utopian tendencies (tongue 
>partly in cheek here) in cohousing... and awaiting responses... David Mandel>
John Gear (catalyst [at] pacifier.com)
"Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of
selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless." -- Sinclair Lewis