Cohousing-L Mailing List: What creates Community?

[Allan E. Busch (Allan_E._Busch]

I'm following with fascination this "community" bulletin board...

Allan and I are also new (aka Lon) to the formalized cohousing concept. We are
NOT new to co-operative endeavours. We are sharing resources, childcare and
breaking bread with an broad and varied network of friends who feel like
extended family. 

As I understand it, this discussion is necessarily  limiting descriptions to
the concept of "Local Community", i.e., can I get to my Community by walking,
riding, driving... as opposed to Global community?

We are fortunate to live, at present, in an area of Toronto that feels like
neighbourhoods should. People are generally friendly, look out for each other
on a casual, chatty basis. Very much like Lon's small town feelings. Our
personal community overlaps somewhat with this geographical area, but the
people we would consider co-housing with are spread about Toronto. We have
often wished for all of us to live closer, so the day-to-day contact could be
continous, and we would not feel the need to "pack it all in" on shorter more
intense, arranged visits, and then we could get more of these friends to meet
each other. 

Community, for me, encompasses a day-to-day enmeshing of lives with people you
want to spend time with, whom you also know and respect enough that you can
let each other be alone without it being a big deal. This community is created
and maintained by more than simple proximity, specific design parameters or
casual passings. For me, the critical difference between a neighbourhood and a
community is a sense of shared values and shared purpose (we are gathered here
in this place to....). 

I would (selfishly?) like to surround myself with people, families,  who share
enough (how much enough is tricky) of my core values for us to co-exist, yet
are also unique enough that we create a challenging, nurturing growing space
(like companion planting a garden). 


>> Joani, are you referring to "limited contact" as time or situation
dependent (as in, over long distances or at a class or common interest group)?

I would agree that women, in the broadest traditional sense, more easily do
the work of maintaining a social relationship in these  situations. I,
however, divide my continuum of social relationships into several types. The
segmentation, at its simplest, lies in how much effort I am willing to spend
on that relationship, once the groundwork of commonalities is laid. (I guess I
ask something like "Where should this person fit into my life? What is their
friendship potential?). It does not mean there is no room for the casual type,
but that I have reached a point in my life where I would rather be surrounded
daily by the people I care most about, and push to the perimeter the more
casual relationships. At present, I live closest to the most casual. 

I hope everyone has a space for those precious times when a chance passing
leads to finding a new friend.
Thanks for the "mouthing off" time!

Julie Busch 
The Beach, Toronto