Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: A Model for the People-Side -Reply

[Monty Berman (mberman]

On Fri, 23 Jun 1995 CSpirito [at] MAILBOX.UNE.EDU wrote:

> The "People Side"  is the community.  Without it there is only a group of
> people trying to live close together and following certain rules.  Read "A
> Different Drum" by Scott Peck to see what really makes a community
> work:
>       1. Inclusivity
>       2. mutual respect and caring
>       3. concensus decision making
>           ... the list goes on, but I forgot the rest. (see the book)
> 
> Regards;  Carl Spirito, a seeker of real community in Saco, Maine at
> cspirito [at] mailbox.une.edu

I want to add to what Carl suggests makes real community (or, in Peck's 
terms, "authentic community"---which is where people commit themselves to 
relating to one another on a deeper level). My addition is comprised of 
two parts, both interrelated:
        1) the inclusivity, caring, mutual respect, and consensus are 
aspects of an authentic community. What contributes to these coming to be 
within the community are, for Peck, certain guidelines instructing group 
members in how they be with and relate to each other. I have found these 
guidelines to not only be the basis of authentic community but also to 
serve as terrific self-discipline builders. I love self-discipline! I 
love the self-discipline work which serves to develop something in myself 
rather than holding myself back or depriving myself of something.
        2) a different perspective on authentic community is offered by 
psychologist Jack Gibb, who with his wife Lorraine, created T*O*R*I Trust 
level Theory. In all his organizational consulting work, Gibb begins with, 
and concentrates primarily on, the trust level in any group or 
organziation---be it business, family, classroom, relationship, etc. The 
big thing, for me, is that Gibb, as Peck does with his guidelines, spells 
out clearly what he is talking about regarding "trust," AND then goes on 
to describe operationally how he sees trust develop.(It is based on being 
personal, which is parallel to one or more of Peck's guidelines.)
        The beauty, then, as I see it, in Pecks' and Gibb's contributions 
is that they provide the actual tools with which one can work towards the 
lofty goals such as trust, caring, mutual respect, etc.---concepts which 
often touch  our deeper yearnings but, just as often, leave us without knowing 
exactly what rock it is that EACH OF US must then push up the hill.

        Ongoingly practicing community buidling guidelines and working on being 
personal in ALL my interactions, 
        Monty Berman, a member of EcoVillage at Ithaca, who anticipates 
groundbreaking this summer.