Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Misunderstandings and misinterpretations

[Rob Sandelin (robsan]

One thing I have observed is that there seems to be a reasonable number 
of miscommunications happening between members on the list.  This is 
normal and to be expected.  For example Harry wrote:

"With respect to the "Volkswagen Cohousing" project--- what makes you and Rob
so certain that the results of a team effort on designing the "Volkswagen
Home" will automatically end up with building methology that will not meet
the Building Codes?"

I never meant to assert any such thing. I asked if in the design 
criteria it would be possible to include code issues, since from my 
experience, they seem to vary a lot from place to place. Then I gave 
some examples of variations I know about.   I never intended to assert 
the above, it was a simple misunderstanding of my meaning and intent.

Another great example of this was the word CON, in the header of the 
reply about straw bale.  If I recall the email right, what that word 
actually referred to was Conversation, not Con Job.  But it seems some 
people took it to mean Con job and reacted, then others reacted and so on.

In my experience, this is normal communication problems folks, happens 
all the time to people who are in the same meeting, much less 
continents away from each other.  What you heard me say, was not what I 
meant.   Anger, Love, fear and frustration can all be expressed in the 
same words and only the vocal tone or facial expression gives clues as 
to the meaning. In email, other than the smiley face or capital 
letters, you have no context for the meaning of the tone and thus have 
to judge the words alone, which can lead easily and frequently to 
miscommunication.

One helpful hint about this.  If you feel some sort of angst about a 
message, analyze how the words made you feel, then PRIVATELY email the 
sender, express your reaction to the words and clarify with them if  
your perception of the tone is correct.  I often send stuff out in 
email land which others take umbrage at because I used declarative 
statements to give my opinion, which of course comes off as arrogant, 
or know-it-all.  (I sometimes do this at home too, and then get 
politely corrected by my neighbors).

Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood