Cohousing-L Mailing List: Why I'm Not Yet in Cohousing

[Don Maddox (donm]

I know I'm pushing it, keeping the subject of spirituality in
cohousing open for what must be getting very tiring for most of you,
but this is my first opportunity to write.

It's the lack of spirituality in general that I see in cohousing that
has kept me outside cohousing up to now.  I live in Sonoma County, Ca,
maybe the alternative spiritual capital of the world.  In this very
liberal part of the U.S., we still do not have cohousing in our
county.  The main reason I think is that new housing cost is
prohibitively high here and those who can afford housing in my area
typically do not include "need for community" high in their values
list.  As it turns out I can afford housing here, barely, but still
have chosen to stay outside cohousing.  I was involved with a group
struggling to create cohousing here but am no longer active with them.
I support them still and could be drawn back in.

I think the mere fact that the closing ceremony in Boulder created the
controversy that it did makes my point well.  This fact reinforces for
me the feelings I already had concerning the attitude of many people I
see in cohousing.  I see most people involved in the general cohousing
movement as educated, intellectual, and I'm afraid somewhat arrogant.
In meetings I attended an air of superiority permeated the room, not
by all but by the leaders of the group.  I guess this is to be
expected to some degree for people that feel they have a better idea
do tend to have pride in themselves and sometimes can be a little
overbearing, but still I felt put off.  Most of the people in our
local group work in professional fields, as I do, and most I would
assume are agnostic.  Spirituality was never discussed.  I got the
feeling that discussing spirituality would be outside what the group
would consider appropriate. For me this is not the environment that I
choose to live in.

In many ways I already have community.  My main spiritual practice is
Vipassana Meditation, a form of Buddhism.  I also am active with local
Sufi's, yes Dances of Universal Peace Sufi's.  I celebrate with people
of different cultures.  Though there are not any cohousing groups in
our area, there are many intentional communities scattered through the
coastal hills of my county, all created years ago when land was not so
expensive.  I attend celebrations at their communities at different
times of the year.  One community will have a gathering celebrating
the winter solstice, another the summer solstice, and so it goes
throughout the year.  I sit with groups in meditation on Wednesday
evenings and Sunday mornings.  Spirituality is an important part of my
life and unless I were involved with a cohousing group that was open
to spiritual practice and ritual, I simply would not have the time for
both cohousing community and my spiritual community.
 
If I had only one piece of advice to you as a group, unsolicited I
know, it would be to lighten up, don't be so arrogant and be more
tolerant of other peoples views and cultures including openness to
spirituality in your general community.  I may yet live in cohousing.
I'm keeping open the possibility of creating a cohousing community
with my spiritual friends.  I'm not terribly optimistic though, since
upward financial mobility is not high on their values list.

Some of you will take what I have written negatively I know, but I
needed to get my point out.  I hope cohousing succeeds as a viable
housing alternative in the U.S. and the world for that matter and I
support you and applaud you in your effort.

Best wishes,

..Don