Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Dysfunctional

[Monty Berman (mberman]

Mark,
        I recall the reference to "stuff" as (paraphrase): "I want to 
(only?) be in a community where members work on their stuff." I am with 
you in repelling any attempts of individuals acting out their stuff on 
others, but I see this as different from "WORKing on one's stuff," which 
would entail self-awareness, discipline, and commitment---and is more 
about intrapersonal activity than interpersonal.
        I tend to think that without a number of individuals doing this, 
a community will not survive with any depth to it.

Monty Berman  EcoVillage at Ithaca

On Fri, 20 Oct 1995, Mark Frauenglass wrote:

> 
> >Sage McKenzie
> said
> >2.  if community is created without people dealing with their 'stuff' the
> >dysfunctional family is recreated.
> >
> >I have not ruled coho out completely and will continue to read your
> >experiences with interest.
> 
> I'm sorry you got turned off.
> I don't like power playing either.
> 
> I mentioned the community not being a therapy session for peoples 'stuff',
> along with posting about some handicaps being a burden.  Every one has
> troubles and needs the support of their village, and helping out can feel
> quite good.  The line gets crossed for me when a person doing their 'stuff'
> puts down, yells at and belittles someone in a business meeting. I wouldn't
> do that to my kids ever especially in front of others.
> 
> So what do you do?  Good neighbors can talk to their neighbors.  Living in
> coho has that feeling of commitment.  Like a family or a marriage.  I'm in
> it for the long run, so I can tell my neighbors to their face I think this
> isn't cool.  I don't see cohousing as a cure.
> 
> Mark Frauenglass
> He ain't heavy, he's my brother ...
> I just live next door, I'm not your shrink.
> 
>