Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Build where the kids are

[MelaSilva (MelaSilva]

In a message dated 96-01-25 18:01:25 EST, you write:

>
>I've heard several cohousing groups say they have trouble attracting
families
>with kids, even though it would seem they would be prime beneficiaries of
the
>cohousing environment -

Are you requiring people to prequalify before they join you? Are you making
it clear that you plan to build homes that cost the mediun or more in your
area? Are you meeting new people at the door with a list of demands/ work
hours required, etc? Are you requiring EVERYONE to put the same amount of
money into the pot, whether or not they can afford it? Are you meetings too
full of items to allow human interaction?

Many of our members would not have been able to pre- qualify, and would not
have attended a second meeting had that been a requirement.Many of our
families had to borrow from family for down payments, and it took a long time
before they felt confident enough about cohousing to ask. We let people know
that their input was welcome whether or not they decided to buy later. That
took a lot of pressure off. It also got us a lot of free hours from people
who were interested, but eventually dropped out. We made it clear we wanted
low and moderate income people to join us. Some folks put a lot more money
into the pot than others.We assigned a "buddy" to everyone who came more than
once. The buddy called, got feedback, asked and answered questions.That kept
many people involved. We broke down into small group discusion at most
meetings, and new comers really benefit from that.We all really benefit from
hearing how others feel about holiday celebrations, kids playing with toy
guns, car repair under someones window, closelines visible from the common
house. At the end of the meeting, we go around the room and ask for
evaluations. SO helpful! Many times folks who say little in the meeting would
say " Gee, I sure am impressed by how kind we are to each other" or "This was
a bad meeting. People interupted each other, too many items on the agenda,
the name taker didn't watch for waving hands." or "I am sorry I didn't
participate in ___. My sister is very ill, and I have to beg for time off at
work again to go down again to see her in the hospital." The biggest fear is
"WHO are these people?"  If we don't allow enough time to get to know one
another, to hear each others doubts and address them, how are we going to
care about each other enough to live together? 

Mela Silva
Southside Park
Sacramento CA