Cohousing-L Mailing List: I'm even more frustrated!

[Sharon Villines (SharonVillines]

I've been in email contact with the original "I'm frustrated" poster since
his first post as well as with other people who are familiar with his
situation. When I sent him my first email, I said I was posting to him
instead of the group because I didn't want to get into a PC flame war. He
couldn't understand why. I think he now understands.

One of the things that attracted me to cohousing--as distinct from other
intentional community ventures--was the acceptance of individuals and groups
responsibly determining their needs and wants without ideological and moral
judgements.

There is no inconsistency with the goals of cohousing and the choice of gold
faucets in the bathrooms in the common house or the choice of a rubber hose
connected to a hand pump outside--as long as each group has consensus on the
decision and shares the values this decision implies. The issue is how the
decisions are made. As others have noted and as many of the early
intentional communities discovered, community is about more than inclusion
at the expense of viability. And viability, like beauty, is in the eye of
the beholder.

Yes, "I'm frustrated" is new to cohousing. Yes, if he had been reading this
list for a long time he would have understood what was happening to him and
might have averted it. Yes, if his group had had more training in decision
making before they made any decisions it would have been better. But
everyone starts somewhere. Attacking him for objecting to a negative
experience is not helpful. And criticizing him for saying that an Olympic
size swimming pool happens to be important to him is certainly not helpful.
How many communities would you join that ridiculed the things you cared
about?

Save your flames please, they take up a lot of space in the world. And are
not helpful. (Said she, flamingly.)

Sharon Villines, Moving to Florida July 29
Synergy Cohousing, Delray Beach, FL http://www.cohousing.net