Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Consensus Fallbacks

[Dahako (Dahako]

lilbert [at] concentric.net - 

Thanks for the response.  You made a few incorrect inferences from my note -
which just goes to show the weaknesses of email, I guess.  On the "knee-jerk"
thing - I didn't actually show my colors by using the term since I am one of
the confused Midwesterners and was raised by an ardent pacifist.  If the issue
ever comes to a vote here, my husband and I will probably pull opposite ways,
nullifying our household's vote.  (We had some of the most difficult arguments
of our relationship of 15 years on this one - this is a tough issue to frame.)
And, several of our northeasterners themselves characterized their responses
with the term.

I'm familiar with the type of person you describe - we certainly saw enough of
them during our marketing phase.  I think, however, that the prospects who
raised the issue were authentic and would really have purchased a lot and
lived as joyous, productive community members.  They went through the conflict
mediation process with the group (which involved some long meetings) and
thanked us afterward because they felt that even if things did not come out
the way they had hoped, all the hard work on communication was improving their
marriage.  The group would not have done the work on this issue that we did if
we didn't understand ourselves to be dealing with people who were a likely
"fit" otherwise. And, after an initial misstep, we definitely were not trying
to placate them.  

We have a buddy policy and new member orientations.  Part of the old
member/new member tension stems from legacy policies that date back to when
only two members of the current group were involved (as I understand it, Eno
Commons imploded on its first outing, reformed with 3 households, then had
several long lags between bursts of folk joining).  Legacy policies are an
issue with many members who have been in the group three years or less.  I
guess we'll be doing "re-visioning" one of these days too.

My understanding about why Sherri decided to withdraw as a member was because
she was getting overloaded being both developer and member and keeping up with
her day job and decided to concentrate on the developer role.  (I didn't go
back to check the minutes on this one - so, since Sherri reads this list, she
can pitch in and correct me if I've "misspoke".)  Again my opinion - I think
she joined the group for the gun discussion because she felt strongly about
the issue.

Jessie Handforth Kome
Eno Commons
Durham, NC
Where we've sold all the dern lots once, but one just wants to be sold again.
Construction of 5 of the last 6 homes starts soon.  We eat together often and
just held a Tuesday night panel discussion on the relative merits and
drawbacks of tractors, riding lawn mowers, and goats. We disagree lots, often,
and sometimes even cheerfully.