Cohousing-L Mailing List: Expressions of anger

[Sharon Villines (sharonvillines]

I just received a very thoughtful and welcome response to the expressing 
anger thread from Paul Kilduff in Baltimore. There are many people who have
been on vacation and are now coming back to this thread, all in one piece.
He raised some points I wanted to clarify.

When I said I was tired of "this thread" I meant literally that I was tired.
Any anger in that message was not at the content of the discussion but at my
own inability to keep up with what I started (not in infrequent occurrance).

Many people on the list send two copies of their responses--one to the
original poster and one to the list. So in addition to many private
responses and ongoing discussions of people's own experiences with anger, I
was getting two copies of  everything posted publicly. Since they did not
arrive at the same time (delay on the listserve) I was reading each copy to
be sure it was a copy and not a new response.

When I referred to "probably get flamed again", I was really going "no mail"
emotionally. There were no flames on the list (or none that I perceived to
be flames), and only two very mild ones off list. I was aware when I posted
my original message that I was laying out an unpopular and/or misunderstood
position. And I repeated one of own bad strategies--I think about an issue
privately until I've got it all sorted out for myself and have the courage
to voice it, and then I spring it on people, full throttle, giving the
result of deliberations and not the process. Thus I've "done" the issue
before I even raise it.

I was very pleasantly surprised at the depth and breadth of the discussion
here. This is what attracted me to cohousing in the first place--after many
experiences from the 1960s on of co-op and group living situations.
Cohousing has at its core people who are really trying to work things out
and be realistic at the same time they are reaching for their dreams and
confronting their demons. This is the very thing that makes cohousing
unique.

I was also touched by the sharing, on list and off list of personal stories
and histories, all of which broadened my own understanding of how people
react to the emotions of others. I found new friends and came closer to old
ones in discussing experiences that would otherwise not have come up.

Thank you to everyone who hung in and to those who are coming back from the
summer to a larger number of messages than usual, read all of them--they're
worth more than the time it takes to read them.

Sharon.