| Fw: feeling part of vs. feeling excluded | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Hans Tilstra (tilstra smartchat.net.au)
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| Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1999 15:49:15 -0700 (MST) | |
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What struck me about the perception of those opposing the retrofit, was =
not so much the rationalisations, but more an undercurrent of inclusion =
& exclusion. From my observations as an armchair cohouser, there is a =
pattern of resistance prior to the establishment of cohousing in the =
literature. Yet, there is also a pattern of acceptance afterwards.
A recent article in Time (DECEMBER 20, 1999 VOL. 154 NO. 25) posted on =
the web included the following:
"...Immediate neighbors often oppose cohousing proposals but tend to =
come around once the homes are built. "It's pretty cool," says Ken Tate, =
40, who lives across the street from Southside Park. "More neighborhoods =
should group together like that." Although drug deals go down daily on =
the sagging porches and litter-strewn sidewalks that surround Southside, =
no one has ever broken into one of its houses. There are too many =
watchful eyes. "
I am curious about the image of the group getting together. As my =
partner points out every time we have a meeting, the associations, the =
images are much more powerful than rational arguments. If someone at a =
meeting appears to be freeriding, or appears to dress in an =
unfashionable way, that carries a lot of clout. It's not hard to find a =
rational explanation (vs. the blunt comment about someone) to avoid =
being argued down.=20
I imagine that in your position you are well placed to articulate what =
people may be thinking on either side. In my experience that helps =
reduce the defensiveness that seems to come with not feeling heard.
wish you well,
=20
Hans Tilstra
Melbourne, Australia
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<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2>What struck me about the perception =
of those=20
opposing the retrofit, was not so much the rationalisations, but more an =
undercurrent of inclusion & exclusion. From my observations as an =
armchair=20
cohouser, </FONT><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2>there is a pattern =
of resistance=20
prior to the establishment of cohousing in the literature. Yet, there is =
also a=20
pattern of acceptance afterwards.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2>A recent article in Time (DECEMBER =
20, 1999 VOL.=20
154 NO. 25) posted on the web included the following:</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2>"...Immediate neighbors often oppose =
cohousing=20
proposals but tend to come around once the homes are built. "It's pretty =
cool,"=20
says Ken Tate, 40, who lives across the street from Southside Park. =
"More=20
neighborhoods should group together like that." Although drug deals go =
down=20
daily on the sagging porches and litter-strewn sidewalks that surround=20
Southside, no one has ever broken into one of its houses. There are too =
many=20
watchful eyes. "</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2><BR> </DIV></FONT>
<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2>I am curious about the image of the =
group getting=20
together. As my partner points out every time we have a meeting, the=20
associations, the images are much more powerful than rational arguments. =
If=20
someone at a meeting appears to be freeriding, or appears to dress in an =
unfashionable way, that carries a lot of clout. It's not hard to find a =
rational=20
explanation (vs. the blunt comment about someone) to avoid being argued =
down.=20
</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2>I imagine that in your position you =
are well=20
placed to articulate what people may be thinking on either side. In my=20
experience that helps reduce the defensiveness that seems to come with =
not=20
feeling heard.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2>wish you well,</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2>Hans Tilstra</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana size=3D2>Melbourne, =
Australia</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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TIME SELECT/LIFESTYLES
DECEMBER 20, 1999 VOL. 154 NO. 25=20
Middle-Class Communes
Once havens for dope-smoking, free-loving hippies, communal quarters now =
offer flexible housing for families, singles and seniors
BY LAIRD HARRISON
At 75, May D'Marie has visited enough retirement homes to know that she =
never wants to live in one. "They're boring," she says. "Everyone is the =
same age practically. And even the elevators move slowly." But she also =
doesn't want to live alone, doesn't have family in her area and doesn't =
want a roommate. That seemed to leave the retired librarian with no =
options--until she heard about a new community being built near her in =
Sacramento.
At Southside Park Cohousing, D'Marie now shares three meals a week in a =
central dining hall with 65 other residents of all ages. Her apartment, =
like the others, looks out over a common lawn, gardens and playground. =
Here, there's always someone to talk to. When she needs help moving a =
couch or changing the battery in a smoke detector, neighbors are ready =
to assist. In return, she hems their clothes or makes applesauce for =
them from the community orchard. "I'm very comfortable here," she says.=20
Sound like one of those hippie communes that disappeared along with =
bellbottoms and VW Bugs? It is. Like so many icons of the '60s, they're =
back now and being marketed successfully to the mainstream. A few still =
feature free love and organic farming, but what's more common is a form =
of collective housing built by and for property-owning, car-driving, =
middle-class former suburbanites.=20
"The general public has the impression they all died out in the 1960s," =
says Michael Cummings, a University of Colorado, Denver, political =
scientist who has studied communes for 17 years. In fact, Cummings =
estimates, there are now tens of thousands of "intentional =
communities"--groups of people who reject conventional neighborhoods and =
live with others who share their values or interests.
Behind the resurgent interest in such communities is a significant =
demographic shift. The average household in America is half the size it =
was at the start of the century. About a quarter of Americans live =
alone--and many of these are widowed, retired or both. There are also =
more single parents. The new breed of communes is more likely to have =
members named Ozzie and Harriet than Mad Dog and Rainbow. They keep a =
low profile and strive for respectability. They're just folks who simply =
found life in the atomized suburbs lonely.=20
The founders of Southside Park Cohousing set out to prove they could =
create a village in the heart of a big city. Their block of pastel =
clapboard row houses blends smoothly into the surrounding neighborhood. =
Seven years ago, the block held only the burned-out ruins of 80-year-old =
Victorian houses trashed by prostitutes and crack dealers. When the band =
of would-be communards wanted to buy the site, the city was so delighted =
that it helped finance the project.
"I had lived in a commune back in western Massachusetts in the 1970s," =
says Susan Scott, 52, one of the community's founders. "I thought it was =
a great way to raise children." But in the 1980s, Scott, like so many =
other flower children, took a right-hand turn. She became a lawyer for =
the state of California, got married, bought a house, had a child, got =
divorced.
Then in 1988 she paired up with David Mandel, who had once lived on an =
Israeli kibbutz and shared her longing for the collective lifestyle. =
That same year the two attended a slide show by Kathryn McCamant and =
Charles Durrett. The Berkeley, Calif., architects are the principal =
American evangelists for cohousing--a type of intentional community in =
which buildings are designed to encourage social contact while =
preserving private space. "You have the choice between privacy and =
community," Durrett says. "It's a 21st century housing solution." =
Instant converts Scott, Mandel and a few dozen like-minded families set =
about designing the ideal community.
Five years later, they got their dream, the 25-unit Southside Park =
Cohousing. Front porches on the neo-Victorians look out on the =
surrounding community. Inside, kitchen windows and plate-glass back =
doors face one another over the common green space, as if two dozen =
families had one huge backyard. In the central building, residents share =
a dining room, playroom, mailboxes, laundry room, TV, exercise equipment =
and a lounge with a fireplace. They take turns cooking the three common =
meals served each week. Afterward, they relish the opportunity to share =
cars, swap furniture and get together without planning it.
Children like the arrangement because they can roam freely from one =
friend's house to another. Parents appreciate having lots of help =
keeping watch, and singles enjoy the companionship. "My kids were grown =
up and gone," says Susan Barnhill, 57, a Mary Kay cosmetics saleswoman, =
as she rolls her wheelchair in the front-door of a flat especially =
adapted to her needs. "Here, there are instant friends."
Immediate neighbors often oppose cohousing proposals but tend to come =
around once the homes are built. "It's pretty cool," says Ken Tate, 40, =
who lives across the street from Southside Park. "More neighborhoods =
should group together like that." Although drug deals go down daily on =
the sagging porches and litter-strewn sidewalks that surround Southside, =
no one has ever broken into one of its houses. There are too many =
watchful eyes.=20
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