Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: How to handle departing members

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

One of the common experiences I have seen in forming groups is that they
get a little ways, then crash into some conflicted place, the problem gets
handled very badly, some of the hidden interpersonal baggage  rises to the
surface, and people leave the group in disgust, anger or frustration. In
some cases, this mortally  wounds the group and it disbands shortly after.

One of the things I have participated in a couple of times with forming
groups is a "call for reconcillation". How this is handled is that those
that have left the group are invited back to process the problem.

When the invitation is done with the right humilty (we are sorry, we didn't
really know how to handle this, we handled it badly and we regret and want
to learn how to work through these issues better) It leaves an opening for
people to return for ONE more meeting.

Processing the issue/conflict coupled with an attitude of learning and
moving forward has brought folks who have left back into the forming group,
willing to try again, wiser and more sensitive to the difficulties of
collaboration.

Rob Sandelin
Community Works!
Http://www.infoteam.com/nonprofit/nica/cw1.htm