Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Teens need "A room of their own"

[Racheli&John (jnpalme]

** Reply to note from Sharon Villines <sharonvillines [at] prodigy.net> Tue, 29 
May 2001 13:08:09 -0400
>From Racheli

Sharon wrote:
  
> No one is going after anyone. The reality is that teens are a part of
> society and have to learn how to be free still be a part of it.

That's *your* reality.  It's not necessarily how they see it.
   
> There are many ways to practice independence. Demanding a room that is
> exclusive when no one else has that right, is not one of them.

Part of practicing "self determination" is having the opportunity to decide
in what way.  If you decide for them, that's not really allowing them 
to be independent.
I didn't say, BTW, that they need to have a room of their own at all times.
At Sonora cohousing we are having a room which will be 
exclusively for teen use some of the time, and will be used for
other purposes at other times.  The point is, we are negotiating
the arrangement, as opposed to "laying down the law" from the
lofty point of view of adults.

   
> When my son was this age I purposely set up a battle over coffee. While I
> preferred he not drink it, it wasn't going to kill him or "lead to"
> anything. Whenever he was feeling oppressed he made a point of letting me
> know that he had had coffee at MacDonalds or where ever. We had a lot of fun
> with it and I felt it worked to give him something to battle over so he
> didn't have to find anything really problematic.

To be honest, it sounds manipulative to me.

R.


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