Cohousing-L Mailing List: Affairs & Community Response

[DCS (cdm]

Should I preface this with a "I have a *friend* who lives in cohousing -
not *my* cohousing of course - who needs some information about..."?

I would like to hear experiences and opinions from people in cohos that
have actually gone through a situation where residents/members have had
inter-community affairs. I'm not talking about polyamory with mutual
consent on all counts - I'm talking about "cheating" on significant
others with someone else in the neighborhood. I'm not interested in
theory - I really want to hear about how individuals and neighborhoods
have dealt with it when it has actually happened.

---What has been the response from the neighborhood and individuals -
Did the neighborhood and/or individual neighbors just pretend it wasn't
happening, or was there a show (from individuals or the whole
neighborhood) of support or non-support for the parties involved (the
"cheating" persons and/or the persons being "cheated" on)?
---When/if the "original" households fall apart and if/when the "new"
households form, did they stay in the neighborhood, and how did the
community deal with that?
---What did you tell the children?
---Where *you* satisfied with the way it was handled?
---How do things fall out over time? Three or four years down the road,
how has the attitude about the situation changed, etc.?

For a variety of reasons, you may not want to respond directly to the
list, so please e-mail me at cdm [at] employees.org if necessary. Anything
written to me will be held in the strictest of confidences. This is for
my own personal benefit and I don't intend to share any details with
anyone, but I am hoping to get some perspective.

Thank you in advance,
Christine Della Maggiora
Eno Commons Cohousing
Durham, NC

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