Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: personalities within cohousing communities

[Elizabeth Stevenson (tamgoddess]

> 
> My husband and I are wanting to live in Community and
> are wondering about different personalities within the
> cohousing communities.Does Cohousing usually attract
> positive,joyful people that are enjoying their
> lives?Are there certain people that some communities
> try to avoid.And how do you go about dealing with
> these people.We have a couple of neighbors that are
> wonderful and we have a couple that we try to dodge
> when we see them coming because they are so negative
> and a drain to listen to.We would love some feedback
> as this is one of our biggest concerns with living in
> such an intimate setting.Thanks

There are some people who are drawn to cohousing because they think it will
solve their problems. We have had those people, but I wouldn't let them
deter you from getting involved with cohousing. After all, you have to deal
with bad neighbors anyway. You might as well get the good with the bad.

In any event, these people tend to move on pretty quickly when they find
that nobody is interested in being their doormat/psychologist/rescuer all
the time. We have our own lives to mess up without trying to fix everyone
else's. But we are there for each other in ways that good neighbors and
friends are. When there is a car problem, a child problem, a birth, death,
whatever, we are there. But people find that there is little patience for
someone whose woes are never-ending and self-inflicted. We just don't have
the time or energy to deal with it. And we process these things more than
you would if you were just regular neighbors, so I think it's far more
likely that you a bad neighbor will move on more quickly than if you didn't
live in cohousing. Or that you will resolve your differences, or at least
have the support of people who also can't stand him/her!

This is not to say that you should ignore someone ruining your group process
or experience. Try to fix the problem, but when it can't be fixed, get them
to leave the group, or you can end up with no group at all.


-- 
Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing
Sacramento California
tamgoddess [at] attbi.com

_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l