Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: RE: the service animal discussion -- Cheryl C-G

[Fred H Olson (fholson]

Cheryl A. Charis-Graves <ccharis [at] jeffco.k12.co.us>
is the author of the message below. 
It was posted by Fred the Cohousing-L list manager <fholson [at] cohousing.org> 
because the message included HTML ;      PLEASE do not post HTML, see
   http://csf.colorado.edu/cohousing/2001/msg01672.html
--------------------  FORWARDED MESSAGE FOLLOWS --------------------

Re: TR's comments, I know I like talking about myself!

However, I also feel strongly about taking time to engage in conversation
with a person about their needs, without making assumptions about what is
helpful. Examples are far-ranging.
 *  The long-time spouse of a member is dying. Do we assume that we know
    what they need and/or want from the community and immediately leap
    into an action plan? Or do we take the time to ask about their needs,
    their plans and adjust our response accordingly?
 *  A community member has chronic pain and medical difficulties
    resulting from environmental sensitivities. Do we assume she will ask
    for help? Or do we ask her what she considers helpful and how we
    might know when she wants help and when she wants to take care of it
    herself?
 *  An elderly couple shows signs of difficulty getting around the
    community. Do we form an ad hoc team to address the question of "how
    will we care for our elderly?" Or do we quietly, privately have
    conversation with them about what is presenting the most challenge
    for them?
 *  When a lesbian couple have a child together, how do you find out what
    they prefer in how they are known to their child?
 *  A community member appears to have withdrawn from the community and
    is not participating in any of the established work groups. What
    assumptions do you make about that person's actions? How do you find
    out what might be happening?
I have read something Rob Sandelin wrote on group problem-solving which I
found helpful when thinking of community process. So I have been trying
to come back to a perspective where I don't make assumptions (about who
needs what) and I don't frame the discussion in terms of personal
positions (setting up competing needs or values). I try to take a neutral
stance, in which I am just trying to understand the situation and the
needs as clearly as I can. When the underlying needs are understood,
usually a workable solution will become available.

And I just think it is respectful to ask, "What do you prefer?"

Actually, this is really a discussion I would like to have in our
community.

Cheryl


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