Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Bicycle stunts, Skateboards and other adolescent activities

[Fred H Olson (fholson]

"Laura Fitch, A.I.A." <lfitch [at] krausfitch.com>
is the author of the message below. 
It was posted by Fred the Cohousing-L list manager <fholson [at] cohousing.org> 
because the message included HTML ;      PLEASE do not post HTML, see
   http://csf.colorado.edu/cohousing/2001/msg01672.html

Note.  Excess quotes were deleted from this message.  Also there was a
long delay because I was over in St Paul at the ProBike/ProWalk conference.
Fred

--------------------  FORWARDED MESSAGE FOLLOWS --------------------



The children were very much involved in the decision.  We scheduled a 
salon with one of their regular meeting time babysitters - everyone 
invited - kids encouraged.  The babysitter initiated it because she 
didn't know what to do during childcare times - she wanted to tell 
children to wear a helmet but wasn't sure she had our permission.  All 
of the parents said, absolutely yes during childcare times, but some of 
the parents were on the fence about the rest of the time,  Probably they 
grew up without helmets and didn't really want to enforce it.  

There was substantial discussion going no where fast.  But when I told 
the kids that I had lost my best friend and didn't want the same sad 
thing to happen to them, they made the decision in a heart beat - in 
fact they made it more stringent than the original ideas.

Give them the facts.  And give them with personal stories.  I can well 
remember as a teenager when my father told me that when he smelled smoke 
on my breath it reminded him of this brother who died of lung cancer and 
that really made him hurt and angry - up until that time I smoked 
despite all the things he had told me about cancer.  I quit pretty much 
on the spot.

Remind them that the younger kids are watching them.  Big kids will do 
it for the little guys if not for their own parents.

I have seen only one breaking of the rule since then - a unicyclist - 
and this train discussion has reminded me of why I should figure out a 
way to talk to him about it.

Laura



Racheli Gai wrote:

>Were the teenagers and children involved in setting the rules, or are they
>just expected to "tow the line"?
>
>IMO for people (of all ages) to follow a rule, they need to be a part of
>the decision-making process.  Otherwise, you'll find that they find ways
>to be subversive, in addition to feeling resentment etc.
>
>R. (the anarchist).
>
>

-- 
Laura Fitch, A.I.A.
Principal Architect

KRAUS-FITCH ARCHITECTS, INC.
110 Pulpit Hill Rd.
Amherst, MA  01002
413-549-5799
413-549-7918 (fax)

lfitch [at] krausfitch.com

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