Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: Mental Illness in Cohousing & Society

[Diane Simpson (coho]

I have been approached by several people who have inquired about our group
on behalf of someone else, usually a friend or a relative. (In one case it
was a social worker.) They don't know what cohousing is, and assume that it
has something to do with a cooperative. Because the term "cohousing" is
still unfamiliar in the general lexicon, they assume it is some kind of
managed-care facility. These people have sons and daughters with depression
or a friend who needs some kind of minimal supervision, and they think that
cohousing might be a good choice for them. So, some people get referred
that way.

Cohousing tends to attract people who need social contact. But where do you
draw the line beween an appropriate amount of social contact, and someone
who is "emotionally needy?" It's hard to say sometimes.  At the beginning,
we were attracting some people who wanted to spend a lot of time talking at
the general  meeting but had no intention of buying a home.  We had to find
a polite way of approaching them outside the meeting to let them know that
this was not  an appropriate use of the group's time.

As far as your second question goes, "how might a cohousing community in
its development stage, openly have discussions about this as the future
members are getting to know one another?" That is a very tough question. I
myself have lobbied very hard to get more "social issues" on the agenda,
but it's very difficult when you're faced with the crushing pressure of
development decisions that MUST be made RIGHT NOW. Unfortunately, if you
don't take up some of these social discussions early on 1) they will come
back to bite you in the butt  2) New members will find it difficult to
trust the group, because they haven't made any decisions about how they're
going to live together.

 One of the ways our group has attempted to solve the
social-issue-time-pressure-during-development problem is by having "salons"
at a member's house outside the general meeting. At these informal
sessions, members get together and have a chance to sit down and discuss
ideas that are important to them without the time pressure of having to
make a decision. If your meeting schedule is far apart enough to allow
this, I highly recommend it. (We meet the second & fourth Sunday.)

Good luck, and let me know how things work out for your community.

--Diane
   JP Cohousing in Boston


>-----Original Message-----
>
>Dear Everyone,
>
>The reason for my initial question about community members with some
>"officially diagnosed" mental illness is two-fold.
>
>First, I am wondering if cohousing is attracting a disproportionate number
>of people in this situation, and secondly, and much more problematic, is how
>might a cohousing community in its development stage, openly have
>discussions about this as the future members are getting to know one
>another?
>
>Have at it!!!
>
>Zev Paiss
>Nomad Cohousing
>Boulder, CO

               "The people around you define the quality of your life."
                   Ask me about Cohousing!   http://jpcohousing.org
 NEXT INFO SESSION: SUNDAY OCTOBER 13  BOWDITCH LODGING HOUSE,   5 P.M.
 82 GREEN ST. BOSTON, MA; 1 BLOCK FROM GREEN ST. STATION (TOWARD CENTRE)
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