Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: guns and cigarettes, rules and anarchy

[Ann Zabaldo (zabaldo]

Hello Catya and all --

You know, the cohousing process is a powerful one.  Someday I hoped to have
the luxury of interviewing people and asking those who have been through the
process and are living in cohousing this question:

How has cohousing changed you?

In 1991, when I first met cohousing and fell in love, I believed in having
lots of "rules" and also believed all policies had to be completed before
moving in.  I was a rules freak.  How else would we (read: *I*)  ever
control the group?   In my 10+ years working in cohousing, the process has
shown me that to the extent I'm willing to trust the process and trust the
people that is the extent to which rules are not needed.

No amount of rules will save us from the odd thing that is bound to happen.
As Anna said, you can't possibly know what the situation will be b/4 you
move in and been in for a couple of years.  Trying to get all these policies
straight is just the same thing as regular condominiums do w/ their 2 ft.
thick codes, covenants and restrictions -- they try to anticipate EVERY
possibility and so any hope of community interaction is squelched from the
moment the new owner signs the sales contract.  There's no room for growth.
It's a dead system.

My feeling and experience is that a community based on *relatedness* has a
far better chance of success than one based on policies.  That's why its
important to have the conversation(s) -- over and over esp. as new people
join the group (even after you've moved in.)  But I would leave the actual
consensus on the policy until after you've had an opportunity to test drive
your community -- then see if you even need it.  If you do -- take it up
then.

How has cohousing changed me?

I fear I have become an anarchist.

How has cohousing changed you?

Ann Zabaldo

Takoma Village Cohousing
Washington, DC. -- America's
Hometown!
zabaldo [at] earthlink.net

----- Original Message -----
From: "Catya Belfer-Shevett" <catya [at] homeport.org>
To: <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Sent: Friday, October 25, 2002 6:54 PM
Subject: RE: [C-L]_guns and cigarettes


> Hi Ann,
>
> > Just throwing in my 2 cents here...I live in the same community w/
> > Anna.  I totally support her statement about not consensing on
> > policies until you move in.  And to add to her statement...it's most
> > important that you have lots n' lots of conversations about these
> > various issues.  It's very important to learn where you and your
> > neighbors stand on certain values. For me, the remarkable thing
> > is...once I'm aware of what my neighbor's needs are I can support
> > them w/out having a policy.  My experience is that good communication
> > forstalls the need of a paper policy.
>
> It's interesting, because the reason we're starting these early is because
> of a whole bunch of people on this list saying how they wish they had
worked
> on these things before move-in, and how hard it was to have people with
> differing expectations, etc, after they had already moved in to the place.
>
> > Um.  I'm wondering how guns could be forbidden in a cohousing
> > community -- I mean in the by laws  -- as it's a 4th Amendment right.
> > (I'm not taking a position here -- I'm just trying to figure out how
> > this could be legally done.)  And, would you really want to do this?
> > If, somehow, you DID forbid guns in the community that would mean
> > that all law enforcement folks would be restricted as they are
> > required to carry a weapon.  Of course, maybe cohousers don't want
> > police, DEA, Immigration, and military people in our communities.  We
> > have three military households in TVC (soon to be just 2!) I would
> > hate it if we had a policy restricting them from living here.
>
> I'm not looking to ban guns, actually.  I'm looking to clarify the
> circumstances under which it's ok to have them.
>
> > Anyway... just a few extra thoughts on a late Friday afternoon.
>
> Thanks, Ann.
>
> - catya
>                               ____
> Catya Belfer-Shevett      ____\  /      Interested in
> catya [at] pobox.com           \  / \/      Cohousing in MA?
> www.catya.org              \/       www.mosaic-commons.org
>
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