Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: hiring labor: approachs to being stuck

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

Cohousing life is a big experiment. There is no manual, there are confusing
maps and road signs, and you have to learn to improvise. One thing I really
used to try to encourage people when I did training work was to be open to
the experiment that you are living. Try things out. Evaluate processes after
you have tried them and see how they work. Don't be afraid to try it and
see.

One way to do this, is to set a time limit to a decision. For the year 2003
we will spend X dollars to hire out some work. Then at the next years budget
time we will evaluate this process and decide again.  You really don't know
about something until you try it. And as a group, you can't benefit from the
learning experience is you don't do it. So folks that have issues sometimes
need to STAND ASIDE, and let the group go ahead and have the experience and
see what they learn.  To deny the group the chance for the experience,
unless the consequences are severe, is absolutely an inappropriate use of
the group process. Maybe this person in your group is right, and for your
group hiring stuff out will be a mistake. People who operate under fear of
mistakes need to reorient their thinking IT'S OK TO MAKE MISTAKES. You
should be charging fearless ahead making them. And you want to admit to
them, evaluate and learn from them. But then again, maybe its not a mistake,
and maybe it will work, or more likely, during the process you will learn
something important in HOW  to hire out, so you do it smartly and well and
in the best way to support the community you are trying to build. You can't
get that learning unless you do it, then evaluate the results.

Personal  values are fine, however it is absolutely inappropriate to hold
the entire group hostage to them. This is where standing aside is an
important part of consensus process.

One of the key elements of consensus process is humility. You have to
understand that your personal point of view, is just one tiny way of seeing
the world, it is not necessarily the truth. To consent does not mean you
agree, it means you give permission. And living in community requires giving
permission regularly for things you might not agree with, trusting that the
group will fix things that become problems. This is the key to understand.
Without personal humility, consensus becomes a huge lead weight that will
drag your group into the pool of personal opinions and values, and the group
process begins to drown.

Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood

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