Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: problems at move-in time?

[PattyMara Gourley (pattymara]

On Mon, 20 Jan 2003 13:49:36 -0800 "Eris Weaver" <erisw [at] sonic.net>
writes:
> I've heard several community members who seem to assume that 
> everybody will help everybody else move.  I personally absolutely HATE
moving and helping
> other people move, although I have certainly done both many times. The
idea
> of not just moving myself but helping 29 other households to do so
exhausts
> me just to think about it. This time around, having fifteen years worth
of
> accumulated stuff AND actually having spare cash, I am planning to 
> just hire movers and be done with it. However, I worry that this may
make me a 
> magnet for resentment from other folks if the expectation is that we
all help eachother.


Eris, and List,
Bingo!  I wrote about this same worry of mine in my Through the Looking
Glass posts when my family moved into Tierra Nueva five years ago.
(link to archives:  http://csf.colorado.edu/cohousing/jun99/msg00176.html
 )
I acted on this "worry"  by talking about it at a business meeting (we
were meeting weekly then).  I opened a discussion up about expectations
we had as individual households for both receiving and giving help during
move-in.  We all got to set personal boundaries and give notice whether
we wanted help or not, and whether we were willing to give help.  

We chose to hire my teenager and his friends to do the big stuff for us
and moved the rest of our things in solo....with the help of stalwart
friends who told us to go pound sand when we said we didn't need any
help.  

I felt just fine not participating in the subsequent move-ins of the rest
of our community over the course of six months, unless I was moved by joy
to do so.  It felt great.  What I mostly did, because it is easy for me,
is help organize potluck suppers and food support for the moving
families.  

We recently welcomed in a new family here two weeks ago.   They happen to
be a close neighbor to us, and our "sponsorees".   (Each new
household/family has a sponsor in the community to help them integrate
into community rhythms).   I posted door signs on the common house with
the date and time of the move a few days beforehand.  On the day of their
big truck move, there was a parade of coho folk, all ages and sizes
carrying stuff off the truck and into the new home....someone ordered
pizza and invited the new family over to sit a spell in a non-chaotic
home and eat.  Moms with young ones kept their eyes on the new child,
Rachel, almost two, who's new phrase now is "Go see people".  

At dinner the other night, my new neighbor asked me  "When does it stop,
this feeling of happiness as I turn onto Tierra Nueva Lane and drive up
the hill?  Do you still feel it?"  All I did was smile and nod.  
I feel it every day.  

Patty Mara Gourley
Tierra Nueva, central CA coast

www.gourleydesign.com















mmm


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