Cohousing-L Mailing List: Repeat Question. Request to not talk at mtgs.

[Becky Schaller (bschaller]

This past Thursday, I wrote an email to this listserve asking if other
communities have discussed how they might respond if a member requests that
the community not talk about a particular issue which they think is personal
and others in the community think is a community issue.

So now I'd like to know if anyone has any insights about facilitating such a
discussion.  Perhaps what sub-questions we might want to try to answer. I'm
anticipating that we might either have a hard time getting away from the
details of our own situation and fall into the who-was-right? trap.  Or we
might  think about the question in such broad terms that we won't be able to
come up with any guidelines for the future.   So if anyone has any input
about how to handle such a situation, I'd appreicate it if you'd let me
know.
Thanks,
Becky Schaller
Tucson, AZ

 
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Date: Thu, 20 Feb 2003 10:46:04 -0700

Some time ago, a member asked that the community not talk about a particular
issue at general meetings or committee meetings.  This was an intensely
personal issue for the family which also had community wide implications.
After a couple months,  we finally did start talking.  We asked Laird Schaub
to come and help us deal with this issue and I think we moved forward
considerably during the time he was here.  He pointed out to us that one
reason we were having difficulty with knowing how to respond to this request
was that we had never discussed the possibility of being requested not to
talk about an issue in meetings.  We had never discussed the mega-question,
How does the community respond if someone asks that we not talk about a
particular subject at community and committee meetings?  Under what
situations do we honor that request and under what situations do we say that
we aren't going to honor that request?

The issue was not only very divisive within the community, the request was
also divisive.  Some people identified more strongly with the personal
nature of the issue and believed that the community should honor the privacy
of this family.  Others identified more strongly with the community nature
of the issue and found the request to not talk to be very difficult.

I am one of the people who volunteered to lead the community in a discussion
of the mega-question.  I'd like to have a little more background information
before we actually have this discussion.  Have other communities had  such
conversations?  If so, how did it go and would you be willing to share  any
of the content or results with us?

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