Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Subject: [C-L]_ tipping point (was: alternatives to sanctions)

[Martin Sheehy (martinsheehy]

Robert, indeed, seems to want a community of conforming morons, guaranteed to 
make for one boring cohousing Utopia.
  Marty, jerk, asshole, sociopath combined.

Ann Zabaldo <zabaldo [at] earthlink.net> wrote:
  
Hi all --

In re: Robert's email keeping out "the assholes, jerks, selfish morons, and
sociopaths" in cohousing.

Exactly who is going to make these judgments of people? Today's asshole is
tomorrow's hero and who you may consider to be a jerk may consider YOU that.

I'm very interested in hearing how you are going to do this.

BTW -- you coach basketball players to play as a team - Muggsy Bogues was
about 4'11'' and Doc Rivers was 5'6" I think and had a 32" vertical lift.
Both played pro ball. And you can coach cooperation and willingness to work
toward group goals. We are learning to do it everyday in cohousing. That's
the point.

Best --

Ann Zabaldo
Takoma Village Cohousing
Washington DC
(Who is now wondering how you would know a sociopath when you meet one since
the nature of a sociopath is to blend in and be quite charming. To wit:
Ted Bundy -- how many people found him charming and invited him into their
homes...)





>> I don't think you can influence people very much, even with overt
>> compulsory influences like jail time or financial incentives. In
>> basketball, you can't coach height. In service industries, you can't
>> coach friendly temperaments. In cohousing, you can't coach cooperation
>> and willingness to work toward group fulfillment and actualization.
>> The right way to proceed, in my view (and totally theoretical since I
>> am just now involving myself with cohousing groups that are "forming,
>> although I have much experience in groups of other kinds) is to limit
>> membership to people who are basically aligned with the program. In
>> other words, to have a warm, friendly, cooperative group, you must
>> keep out the assholes, jerks, selfish morons, and sociopaths who will
>> not put group values ahead of their immediate self interest. It's
>> cruel. It's difficult. But to avoid this culling process is to condemn
>> very nice people to living with people who will take advantage of
>> them. In which milieu would you prefer to live?
>> Robert
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