Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Childrens behavior at community dinner

[James Kacki (jimkacki]

Yours seems to be a good solution! My kids went to Montessori pre-school 
where kids are treated with utmost respect and are expected to act with 
consideration for others and receive consideration from others. They 
were shown the difference between an 'indoor' voice and an 'outdoor' 
voice.  20 kids in the school and whenever I went there it was 
marvellously quiet and the kids were happy, laughing, content and always 
involved in some interesting activity or play time. It taught me that if 
you have high expectations of kids, find and nurture the best in them 
and treat them with respect, they can return the consideration. (When 
they got home it was another story :-) ), but it showed me that that 
approach can work wonderfully.  But obviously all parents must have a 
common approach during mealtimes in the common house for this to work.
James

Dahako [at] aol.com wrote:
> Hi -
>  
> I'm a parent who cannot stand din during dinner (partly because I already  
> have some hearing loss), so I am often the person who gets up and firmly escorts 
>  loud children into the kids room or outside, and closes the door behind  
> them.  I tell the little ones that we don't run or yell in the dining room  
> during common meals. I encourage the older kids to set a good example, which is  
> slowly taking hold so the older kids are starting to help the younger  ones.  
>  
> I started doing this during development.  None of the other parents  have 
> ever told me to stop, some have thanked me, and some have asked me to try  other 
> words or suggested tactics.  During the past year (our second since  move-in), 
> some of the non-parents have started regularly talking to the noisy  kids and 
> helping them find better ways to act during common meals.  Most of  the kids 
> are taking this really well.
>  
> Also, on their own, the kids (ages about 2-12) started sitting separately  
> from the adults in a far corner of the dining room during meals.  I talked  to 
> them early on and worked out an agreement that I would support them keeping  
> the kids table if they supported my ability to hear conversations during  meals. 
>  They don't always remember, but most of time our deal  holds. They eat 
> pretty quickly and go off to the kids room (which has a  separate door to get 
> outside, plus plate glass windows between it and the  dining space.  Oddly enough, 
> the 15 year old usually prefers to sit with  the adults (not her parents!!!) 
> than with the kids.
>  
> Jessie Handforth Kome
> Eastern Village Cohousing
> Silver Spring, Maryland
> "Where, for the first time, my 12-year-old son made a hot dish (mac  and 
> cheese) for the Monday potluck, all by himself!  No grown-ups in  the kitchen at 
> all. A big cohousing moment."
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