Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: In response to the responses to Norm's last email

[David Heimann (heimann]

Hello All,

	A while back a moderator of a listserve that I'm on posted a 
suggestion.  He said (paraphrased) "If you want to react to or 
complain about the tone or appropriateness of a message, please send the 
response privately to the sender, privately to the moderator, or to both 
sender and moderator.  Do not send such a reply to the list."

	It improved the tone of that list very much, and I've taken it to 
heart since.

Regards,
David Heimann
JP Cohousing


From: Racheli Gai <racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com>
Subject: [C-L]_ In response to the responses to Norm's last email (on
        CH      management)
To: Cohousing-L communities <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Message-ID: <12ab30d01848f6798408eed8fd508fb8 [at] sonoracohousing.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII; format=flowed

Hi Katie, Maggie and Bryan.
Reading your responses below made me cringe.

It's ironic that  people such as yourself, who don't like Norm's
complaining
doing your own complaining,  and doing so by using sarcasm, no less!

I  think that Norm's emails are not easy to read: I'm sure they're
trying many people's
patience, and perhaps they are even self defeating. but I don't see the
mode
of response used by you, Katie (about the "Cohousing police"), and
Maggie -
with Bryan's approval - (about how much fun Norm must be) as acceptable.

There must be a way of offering criticism in a gentle and more
accessible
way if the effort is meant to reach the person people are complaining
about, as opposed to just causing humiliation.

Thanks for listening,
Racheli.





Thank you, Maggie, for saying what's been on my mind for some time...

-Bryan Syverson


----- Original Message -----
Norm...you must be a barrel of fun to live with!!
I can't help wondering if using Sociocracy to govern your community
would
help all concerned...

Norm wrote:

> Different ways to manage the common house.  What kinds of
management policies are practiced in cohousing land? ...

Norm,

What do you hope to accomplish by repeatedly posting your gripes with
your community to Coho-L? Do you expect someone to send in the
Cohousing Police to whip your community into shape? I find it
especially passive-aggressive (or something) the way you phrase your
specific complaints in the form of innocuous-sounding requests for
information. Based on what I've read in your messages, I can say with
some confidence that you would not be any happier at Eastern Village.

Katie
Eastern Village Cohousing